There wasn’t a time in my life that didn’t involve sports. From watching my older sisters games to playing on my own teams, I was always around or actively participating in some type of athletic event. And I knew from a very young age that I would be a multi-sport athlete because that’s just how my family was; we were a very sports oriented group. My parents and family were my number one fans. Whether it was coaching me or cheering me on from the stands, I had an amazing support system that pushed me to do my best and work hard. It was the best feeling in the world having them at almost every game, and I can’t thank them enough for that.

There was no doubt that I loved sports. I started playing softball when I was six and ended up playing for roughly ten years. I then made the transition into basketball while I was in junior high and played for five years. But my true passion, however, was volleyball. I started in fourth grade and worked my way up, playing on countless summer league, junior high, high school, club, and even collegiate teams. It was a commitment that went on 365 days a year. Volleyball meant everything to me. I have so many fond memories from the teams I was on over the years. Such amazing women, encouraging coaches, hilarious parents, thrilling matches, and memorable trips and tournaments flood my mind whenever I look back on those times. I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

But, like most things in life, there comes a time when situations and circumstances change. After my freshmen year of college, I decided to transfer to a different university, ultimately ending my volleyball career. It was a decision that was extremely tough for me, and still is for me to this day. Sure, I have my regrets about it, but it was something I did for my academic career. However, that doesn’t stop from thinking about what could have been and all of the things I’m missing out on. And quite honestly, I can’t help but cry while writing this. I miss those times dearly and I wish I could have them back. To put it bluntly, it sucks not being an athlete anymore. I feel as if a piece of me is missing half the time, and seeing all of my old teammates pictures on Facebook makes the reality of the situation even more difficult and bittersweet. But, I know there are a thousands of other former athletes out there that feel the same way as I do, which gives me a little bit of comfort because I know I’m not alone and not the only one struggling.

And thinking back on those days got me thinking about my current lifestyle and how things have changed since those athletic days. Thus, here is a list of 5 confessions every former athlete faces and struggles with.

1. Gaining weight and staying fit

It’s inevitable. I started gaining weight as soon as I stopped playing volleyball because I ate the same way I did when I was working out six days a week. I still struggle with eating healthy and trying to work out alone. I don’t have my parents to cook me nutritious meals, my teammates to push me to work harder, a workout plan to keep me focused or my coaches/trainers to correct me on my form or tell me to keep my butt down during planks. I also don’t have the same personal determination or drive to push me to be better, which is something I definitely need to work on. Overall though, it’s tough and nobody really tells you that. The struggle is real as hell. But, signing up for fitness classes and participating on intramural teams does help out immensely so that’s always a start.

2. Dealing with stress

I stress out a lot. We all do. But, it took me awhile to realize why I was suddenly having panic attacks and stressing out about even the smallest of things when I never really had before. It’s because I stopped playing sports. Volleyball was my stress reliever, and by working out regularly, I never had to really deal with these issues before because I never had a break. I was happier, calmer and had more energy because my body was releasing endorphins every time I practiced, exercised, and played in games. This alone helped to reduce stress, ward off anxiety, improve feelings and sleep habits, etc. Without it though, I’ve had to deal with a multitude of things, ranging from self-esteem issues to full on mental breakdowns. And I know everyone is different so I’m sure the stress levels vary, but regardless, anxiety and stress is imminent when you stop working out regularly.

3. Making friends

Yes, someone can easily make friends outside of sports, but hear me out. Being on a sports team forces you to meet new people and befriend all of your teammates. You hang out with them constantly because they’re your teammates, and probably some of your closest friends because of that fact. Think about it, you spent long hours together, endured tough practices with them, survived long bus rides with one another, and even played some of the hardest games with them by your side. It’s pretty much like a second family. But what happens when you no longer have that team or those friends to automatically look forward to? Believe it or not, sometimes it’s quite difficult, especially because there’s nothing to bond over or have in common with someone initially. How are you supposed to know who some people really are and what they're really like?

4. Keeping busy

Um, what do you mean I don’t have practice every day this week; and there’s no game or tournament over the weekend? You must be joking. Thinking back on it, having free time was one of the biggest adjustments for me. I didn’t have to worry about getting my homework done before practice nor did I have figure out my schedule for each week. It was actually relaxing and quite fun at first, but then it got old and boring rather quickly. Half the time I had no idea what to do with myself because there was nothing to fill those time gaps up with (well excluding homework and projects, of course). Sports gave me something to do, and I found those times enjoyable and meaningful.

5. Facing real world problems

I can’t speak for everyone, but I know I had several problems after I stopped playing sports altogether. First and foremost, I struggled with learning how to dress myself. While the majority of my friends were picking out cute tops and bottoms to wear, I was deciding between two t-shirts, some running shorts, and my Nike shoes. I never realized I was the Sporty Spice of my friend group until I stopped playing volleyball. My gut constantly told me to go for the sweats and athletic gear because that’s what I found (and still find) the most comfortable. I only ever wear actual dressy clothes when I go out with friends, but I’m perfectly content with that. Next, involved learning how to deal with my competitive nature. Competing as an athlete was something I thoroughly enjoyed. It was thrilling to step out onto the court or field, and get fired up when I saw the opposing team arrive. Now, I find enjoyment out of passing the person that cut me off while I was driving and making laundry bin baskets with my socks. It’s exhilarating, I promise. Lastly, was simply learning how to change my mindset about things. There are times when I get so caught up with thinking about my volleyball days that I don’t even realize what I’m doing or talking about. For example, there was one time in class during an exam day that a fellow student showed up late. I generally thought and feared that the teacher was going to make the entire class get up and run because he wasn’t on time. Whoops! Again, it takes a great deal to move on from playing the sports you once loved and cherished, and believe me, the list of struggles goes on and on.