I was never used to watching sports from the bleachers.

Throughout the majority of my high school career, I played three sports. I never truly had an off-season. That is until I decided to pass on playing sports in college. It was not that I did not have the opportunity to play a sport in college, it's the fact that I felt it would not be the best idea for me. I had interest from coaches and a passion that could have carried me through a college sports career. But I made one of the hardest decisions of my life to side-step playing a sport I had been passionate about for as long as I could remember.

Arriving at college, I did not think it would be hard to make the transition from student-athlete to just a student. I figured that since my roommate wasn't playing sports and not everyone on campus would be playing sports, I wouldn't feel like I was missing out. Little did I know, the second I sat down at my first sporting event of my college career I would feel an ache that would just not go away. Even though I knew that it was the right choice and that I would not have been able to handle the stress of sports on top of my schoolwork and writing, I felt regret seep into my bones.

I missed being out on the field with friends and family watching. I missed proving myself athletically each and every game and practice. I longed for the camaraderie that being on a team gave me. The feeling that those people would have your back through thick and thin. That you kind of had built-in friends. I even missed the drama that sports typically brings with itself, something I never thought I would find myself saying.

For as much anxiety sports caused me in high school, it brought me so much more. I made some of my best friends during four-hour tryouts and on long runs. I had many a deep conversation with friends on bus rides to away games. I always had someone ready and able to braid my hair when I needed it. I learned how to work with a team, how to be a successful leader, but still be a follower.

A day has not gone by that I do not miss competitively participating in the sports I grew up playing. Every sporting event I go to breaks my heart a little bit. Learning how to make the shift from student-athlete to simply student was not, and is still not an easy task. I may no longer identify with those who are current athletes, but I will forever have the heart of an athlete. It does not simply go away once the cleats are hung up. Everything the sports I grew up with taught me will follow me wherever I go. And I will forever be grateful for that.