Where were you when you heard of the Orlando nightclub shooting? I was getting ready for church when I checked my facebook newsfeed that is when I learned that there had been a shooting at a gay nightclub in Orlando. One of the first things I noticed were the numbers in the news article headline; at the time the death toll was 20. To me that count had already been bad enough.

This event stayed on my mind as I drove to church with my grandma and remained on my mind for majority of the week.

The thoughts that ran through my mind were: Not again, why, how can this be the new norm, who are the victims, why couldn’t anyone stop the alleged shooter, what was so wrong in his life that he chose to take the lives of many in the club injuring others.

Later that afternoon we learned that there were actually 50 people that died including the shooter he killed 49 people. I was honestly sad about this event but also numb because within the recent months and years it seems like this has happened so much. From the time I began college in 2012 until now I have heard of so many similar tragedies: Sandy Hook, Charleston 9, The Paris Attacks, the shooting at a military base just to name a few and yet this one to me was no different.

So many thoughts pondered in my mind why now why did he choose to do this harmful hurtful thing?

Before the world learned about this incident we learned that 22 year old singer Christina Grimmie had been killed in Orlando the night before the shooting as she was greeting fans after her concert. So to learn about the club shooting the next morning I was completely devastated.

What bothers me the most is that we may never know why he decided to do this terrible deed.

The media has speculated that he hated gay people or that he may have had an issue with a particular person who may have worked or was a frequent attendee of the club but we may never know.

It is in my opinion that no one should be threatened injured or killed because of their skin color, their religion, their sexuality, their political affiliations their age height their family background etc.

On a spiritual faith standpoint the alleged shooter had no right in my opinion to take the lives of others as that is a power that God controls he determines our beginning and our end.

Mateen’s decision to enter the club knowing he wouldn’t come out alive (taking the lives of others also) was very selfish on many levels.

He took the lives of several diverse people ranging from different ages, he killed an 18 year old who was about to begin her life, a mother who took the bullet for her son, employees who worked most of their lives, he saw the fear in their eyes and the agony that the victims felt once they realized what was happening and yet he continued with his plan.

He was also selfish in that his little boy and wife have to live with this agony for the rest of their lives.

His parents have also been affected by his decision.

I can’t imagine what his son will have to grow up enduring such as bullying and taunting.

It bothers me that with all that has happened in the past few years, the last decade people who are mentally ill, who have criminal backgrounds, and who just simply have a lot of money have complete access to getting these military style rifles and weapons.

It bothers me that this may not be the last massacre that occurs. It bothers me that we always come together when these things happen and then it dies down and then we have to come together again.

It bothers me that there are copycats in the world who because they want some instant fame and like to terrorize people they choose to act out the same crimes.

It bothers me that some of the shooters do these horrible deeds and attempt to take their own lives to escape the consequences. It bothers me that the shooters are often labeled as mentally ill after using firearms to hurt people.

It bothers me that the police didn’t act quicker once they entered the club.

It bothers me that people aren’t as educated as they need to be on having your gun license, when it is okay and not okay to use and have guns, gun control laws, most republicans denouncing the idea to reevaluate the gun laws with the democrats and congress.

It bothers me, I am very bothered !

I saw someone this past weekend who lives in Orlando and when I asked about the shooting they stated that it shocked a lot of people and that when they went to visit one of the theme parks two days after the shooting not a lot of people were out there, and it was very quiet people were afraid.

It is my hope and prayer that this trend ceases and that those who are mentally unstable aren’t able to get their hands on this type of militia.

I truly pray and hope that the families, friends, co-workers of the late victims can heal and are given their privacy during this time.

I hope that this massacre does not go in vain and that our government takes a closer look at this pattern and work together to come up with a better solution.

We are losing our people to bullets, we are losing this worlds future doctors, lawyers, scientist, politicians, policeman and etc.

It hurts that we are in fear to go out to get groceries or go to the mailbox or even out to eat or traveling to a different city.

Knowing that we take risk everyday it is still scary because we truly don’t know the intentions of some people that we see daily.

All we can do is keep the victims families in our hearts minds and prayers possibly reach out to them if able and hope that they can recover from this setback.

One day everything will be alright but as of now we need to #prayforOrlando and mean it.

The name of the victims can be found at this website:

http://www.cityoforlando.net/blog/victims/