There’s no question that any type of mass shooting is extremely terrifying. Whether we recall 1999’s Columbine High School massacre, 2007’s shooting at Virginia Tech, or even the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, CT in 2012, our country has been exposed to some of the worst mass shootings in history.
What makes this horrific tragedy in Orlando, Florida at Pulse Nightclub different is the motive the gunman had going into it: he wanted to kill as many gay people as possible.
In other words: a hate crime.
For as long as I can remember, I have always known my sexuality. It wasn’t until I graduated high school and started college that I was able to be honest about it with not only the entire world, but also with myself. Since January of 2014, I have been out to public as a gay man.
Nineteen years of my life were spent hiding in the notorious closet that only I knew about. During those nineteen years, I woke up every single day believing that I would live the rest of my life hiding. It wasn’t until I realized I physically could not do it anymore – I couldn’t continue to date girls to force myself to conform to the standards our society sometimes makes us feel we should follow. I couldn’t continue to lie to my family, friends, and myself any longer. I couldn’t continue to act like the horrible things my peers would say to me growing up didn’t affect me. All of it affected me.
It was that day in January of 2014 that my life finally started. I eventually met my boyfriend whom, after two years, I am still happily with to this day.
After reading the horrific details of the Orlando mass shooting at Pulse Nightclub, I couldn’t help but feel so unbelievably sad for the victims. It’s been over four days and the images I have created in my mind won’t leave. Over four days and I still can’t stop picturing myself in a similar situation – What if that happened to me? What would I do?
This shooting is personal – even from over 200 miles away. The overwhelming fear of someone murdering me based on my sexual orientation is a fear that hasn’t entered my mind in years. With so many positive milestones that have occurred in the past year alone, I was just starting to believe 2016 was going to be the year that people finally viewed LGBT people as the same as everyone else.
With forty-nine innocent lives taken and over fifty lives brutally injured in this hate crime, I can’t help but feel extremely heartbroken. Reading the stories of the victims like Juan Ramon Guerrero and Christopher “Drew” Leinonen, who were dating for over two years and planned to marry, I couldn’t help but feel connected to each and every one of the victims who were impacted by this attack.
The Orlando shooting put everything into perspective. It made me realize that even though I spent nineteen years hiding from who I was, this man can’t take away the pride I have to be an openly gay man. I realized that after fighting this hard to be myself, there is no way in Hell I am going to let this push me back in the closet.
With all of the media coverage of this disaster, it’s clear that some people aren’t remembering the core issue here: this shooting was a hate crime directed at the LGBT Community. Omar Mateen purchased two guns and deliberately went to Pulse Nightclub to shoot gay people. Let’s not forget.
The LGBT Community is stronger than ever. After so many amazing accomplishments in the past couple of years, we stand together as a family.
We fight for equality. We fight for visibility. We fight for respect.
To the families and loved-ones of everyone affected in the Orlando shooting: please know that there are so many people, including myself, who are praying for peace and comfort during this tragic time. Your sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, partners, significant others, etc will never be forgotten.
To my fellow LGBT Community: mourn the loss of those who are no longer with us. Take time to grieve, process, reflect, and heal. Take care of yourself and those you love and know that you are never alone.
Stand strong with your pride. It’s ours to have.
