I didn't start living my life until this year, maybe even this month. Caught up in pleasing others, I forgot about myself. I did this, and steered far, far away from that. I let others control me and make up my mind, while in the meantime, I was drowning in self-pity.
Stop right now. Take a breath. Ask yourself—are you genuinely happy? If the answer is no, it's time to make a change. Stop letting people say what's going to make you happy, and do what you know makes you happy. If you need some help in making some of those changes, here are a few dos and do nots to help you in the process that I, myself, have had to take hold of.
1. Do well in school, don't stay up all night.
One of the lessons I've learned recently is that sleep is a necessity (like, for real). I wake up the next morning with a I-should-not-talk-to-people-today attitude and I spend the next week trying to catch up. School is super, super important, but so is getting enough sleep to get you through the week so you can do your best at school.
2. Do block him, don't regret it.
If you ended a relationship that was toxic or not beneficial for any reason to your health, block your ex on everything. Everything. There is no reason to keep in touch. It's over. If you need to remind yourself why you're not together, have your best friend tell you. If you feel like you don't have it within you to press the unfriend and block button, have your best friend do it. I literally had to hand my laptop to my best friend to block my ex, but after, I felt so relieved.
If you want them to see how happy you are, at least wait a while before you unblock them. They don't deserve to see you happy and it's time you realize that you are better off without them. You will be better off in the long run, I can say so with experience. Enjoy living your life without having to feel like you need to put on a front that makes you seem better off than you are.
3. Do exercise, don't feel guilty if you skip a day.
You are beautiful. One day of skipping your workout or eating some ice cream is not going to kill you. Enjoy your youthful body, because you only get it once. Living life caught up in your image is a dangerous one.
Find three things you genuinely like about yourself, inside and out, look yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself that you are those things. Exercising is a great way to relieve stress and stay healthy, but it is not a God. Be confident in what you are, don't let the mirror tell you what you aren't. Now go eat a McFlurry.
4. Do be honest, don't be harsh.
Proverbs 15 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger," I couldn't have said it better myself. Honesty is, if not the best, one of the most vital qualities to have. However, being harsh when being honest does more harm than good.
There is always a better way to phrase things and people will be more receptive to your kindness than your sassy, halfhearted way of telling the truth. Sure, it feels great in the moment to let it all out, but three days later, that person is left with scars from your words that will slowly skew their view of you. Coming from someone who's been chewed to pieces by words, be better at using them. It's important.
5. Do take a chance with that one guy/girl, don't be scared.
If you've been in bad relationships in the past, don't let them keep you from trying something new with someone else. Chances are the time will come when you'll share your fears and what's holding you back in the new relationship you're developing, and if it's worth your while, then they'll listen and work with you. Don't keep yourself from trying new things because someone made you believe you weren't worth the time and effort. You are worth time, effort, and love. If your heart breaks in the end, at least you don't have regrets in not giving it a shot in the first place.
6. Do speak kindly, don't gossip.
Make your honest effort to be known for the love and kindness that comes out of your mouth—not the other way around. We all know that one person who can only talk about what's going down in other people's lives. As entertaining as it might be, it's sad when that's all someone can talk about and representative of a lack of self-confidence. If that's you, make an adjustment. If you feel yourself starting to speak ill of others, just stop. Just remember this simple saying: what Susan says about Sally, says more about Susan than Sally.
7. Do have some alone time, don't discount its importance.
Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, everyone needs time alone. This can mean a number of things: watching Netflix, enjoying a glass of wine while reading a book, or even sleeping—time alone is vital to your health. We need rest (contrary to what the world says). How are we to do well in all the things we have going on if we aren't fully rested and functioning? If this means penciling yourself into your planner, do it. We don't work hard to rest—we rest to work hard.
8. Do dress down sometimes, don't make it an everyday thing.
I'm sure you've heard this a thousand times, but speaking from experience, dressing nicely can totally transform your day into being fabulous - because you look it. I wore sweatpants and leggings almost every day last spring semester (mainly because I was an athlete) and it was a miracle when I made it out of my dorm in jeans.
Even if you only got two hours of sleep last night, make your best effort to pretend you got the best night of sleep. How you present yourself goes farther than how others perceive you, if changes how your perceive yourself as well. Own the day and dress nicely. Don't forget your mascara and earrings, either.
9. Do go out, don't feel pressured.
YOCO—you only college once, make the most of it. There's a lot of pressure to go out and participate in activities that may be illegal or uncomfortable for you. If this is the case, don't feel like you have to do those things just for fun. Going out can definitely consist of drinking and what not, but it can also consist of dancing the night away with your dearest friends and late night runs to McDonald's while laughing at other people who went a little too hard that night.
Dress up, look good, grab your best friend, and make some memories. If you are scared you're going to feel pressured, have a wingman who agrees to stay sober with you. Also, don't let your boyfriend/girlfriend tell you can't, they aren't the boss of you and should trust you enough to make you're own decisions. Trust me.
10. Do get a job, don't make it your first priority.
I get it, you have to work to go to school—me too, honey. However, I made work my life outside of school last semester and hated every second of it. I never made time to spend time with friends or even with myself. I was more concerned about how much money I was going to make rather than enjoying the things the money got me. Working is super important, but you will work almost every day of your life after you graduate. Make sure you're making time to enjoy college and live how you want, too. Even if this means you live paycheck to paycheck—it honestly might be worth it.
11. Do have a political stance, don't have a political agenda.
Whether you support Trump or Clinton, don't shove it down someone's throat. A part of being an American citizen is voting and having an opinion politically. But I guarantee you that no one wants to hear about how you feel about the other on Facebook. If you feel like ranting, write it down in a journal or something—social media is not your outlet. Find someone you can confide in, that way the rest of the world doesn't have to hear about, with all due respect.
12. Do be a loyal friend, don't put it off.
This can mean anything from sending a text to your friend at another University to see how their day is going, or laying on the bed with your roommate as she bawls her eyeballs out. Sometimes loving others comes with sacrifices—it may mean you miss "The Bachelor" or a few hours of sleep. At the end of the day, though, your friendship will blossom, and it's a truly beautiful thing. Be that one friend that is there at any hour, any day. Love hard and give freely. You will benefit from being loyal just as much as they will.
