I know someone who can be classified as a Negative Nancy. Nothing is ever going right for them and it became so draining trying to hang out with them because you would always hear a complaining rant for about 20 minutes before moving onto something else. After spending time with them I started drinking a little more to take the edge off of what I heard, then I became really self-analytical about my life. I was beginning a down spiral of self-hatred and depression, which made me take a step back and take another look at the situation. Maybe something is actually wrong with them and that's their silent call for help surrounded by a wall that basically screams "Do Not Help" but until they can figure out that they need to voice their help, I decided to take a step back from that relationship.
In my previous articles, I've talked about cutting toxic people out of your life. It's always important to have uplifting people in your life. You shouldn't have to be pulled down to the same level as a downer. However, what if you're the toxic person? What if you are the reason people don't hang out with you. Are you self-sabotaging your happiness?
1. Finding the worst in everything.
Stop and write down 10 things that have happened to you so far today. If the majority of that list is negative, you are just focusing on the wrong things in life. You aren't allowing yourself to be happy. We all have bad days and sometimes a week of bad luck, it happens, but when every day during a month is a bad day, you need to stop and re-evaluate something in your life.
2. Avoiding a problem instead of fixing it.
If you're constantly complaining about something, try to take a moment and decide if it's something that can be changed. If it can, then go out and fix it. Be a self-starter. For example, I'm having problems with a co-worker and I realized that they don't know they're doing it, so I need to go talk to them, instead of getting mad about it. People tend to be somewhat understanding, you can definitely go and talk with them. You just need to make sure that your "problem" with them is something that can be fixed in a few minutes, and not something more serious.
3. Procrastinating.
We all procrastinate and there are a few articles that state it's good for creativity and innovation. However, there's a difference between procrastinating on an article (like me every week), because you're looking for inspiration and doing chores. If you put off everyday activities like exercising, doing laundry or the dishes, cleaning the house, etc. to just sit and watch Netflix all day, you're hurting yourself more than anything else.
4. Forgetting to make time for self-reflection.
Now there are times that you need to sit and watch Netflix all day to recharge. After being a part of rehearsals for 5 days a week for about 3-6 hours a day and then working 8 hours before rehearsal or on the weekends, I chose to sleep and watch Netflix when I finally had a day where I had no commitment. You need to take time for yourself and recharge. FOMO is a real thing, but if you're spreading yourself thin as it is, hanging out with people when you should be alone, isn't going to help your health.
5. Pitying yourself.
You tend to make every conversation turn back to you, no matter what the subject. Someone's dog died a few days ago, you feel the need to bring up your cat dying a few years ago. You think that you're emphasizing but in reality, it really sounds like you're making it all about you.
6. Letting your dreams stay dreams.
You're out of college. You're working a job just to pay the bills. You're involved with a few activities that you enjoy, but is this helping meet your dream? I know so many people that want to be actors but aren't willing to actually leave their community because they're comfortable. They may be the best in that community and may be scared to see what will happen when they leave. If you have a passion for something, go out and make it happen. Stop day dreaming. Don't miss the opportunity, you'll hate yourself later on.
7. Not committing yourself.
If you're not putting time and effort into making your relationship, your friendships, your work life, everyone is going to leave you. This is usually fueled by a lot of negative talk or fear. You're scared to take that leap, which you may cover up by being lazy instead of looking at the root of the problem. Are you scared of committing to your partner? Do you feel like someone could be better at the job?
8. Spending too much time on social media.
You're on Facebook all day. You are hanging out with people and you're checking your Instagram. You're at a bar and SnapChat is open. Every five minutes, you have the urge to go check what's new on your NewsFeed, what politician said what on Twitter, who posted what picture on Instagram, you have to update those on SnapChat. "Oh my god, Beyonce is having twins! Oh, I'm sorry, were you saying something about your life?"
We are in the culture where we are connected to our cell phones and social media, but it's affecting our relationships that are standing in front of us. It's ridiculous when you're in the same room as someone and you're having a conversation online. Like I understand when you don't want other people to know i.e. planning a surprise party, staying out of an argument, but when it's just the two of you...
9. Under or overeating.
Not being happy about your body image, you either starve yourself trying to lose weight so you can get your ideal body image. Or you feel so bad about yourself, you eat some comfort food. The problem is you're hurting your body and your mentality of body images. If you aren't happy with your body, work out or eat healthily. No one feels less pity for someone who is stuffing their face and complaining about how "fat" they look.
10. Not asking for help.
You are not weak for asking for help. Repeat it to yourself. There's a reason that the first step to recovery is admitting there's a problem and then asking for help. It's always better to work with someone than alone.
11. Letting that feeling of emptiness take you over.
When you feel there's nothing you're great at but you feel the need to make sure other's know that they are great at something. Everyone has a talent. Focus on what you do best. Backhanded compliments don't make anyone feel better.
In the end, we all have bad days. We all have negative qualities and we all end up on this list at one point or the other. The point is you need to be able to admit it to yourself that you have a problem even if it isn't to someone else. Accept your flaws and then look at your strengths and figure out how this makes you who you are.
