The holiday season is upon us. Andy Williams sings, "it's the most wonderful time of the year"; but depression, stress and negativity symptoms start to skyrocket. Couples stay together because they don't want to be depressed alone. We stay in jobs out of convenience. Most importantly we do what we think others want us to do. Don't be afraid to cut people or things out of your life to be happy, especially during the holiday season.
So how happy are you?
1. Relationships
Two days ago, the boy I was seeing tried to ghost me out of his life because that night I wanted him to come out to his living room and join his roommate (one of my good friends) and myself in a glass of wine and talk. He didn't want to, but never actually told us that, he just slammed the door on my face and proceeded to delete me off every social media platform. I'm honestly not broken up by this because if you're 32 and can't express to someone, especially someone you're seeing, you don't want to hang out and react like a pouting 12-year-old, then you have made it easier for me. Life is short to spend it with people who won't respect your time.
You need to be honest with yourself is this person in your life affecting it for the better or worse? Are they being supportive through and respecting your needs? No one wants to be alone during the holiday season, but do you want to remember this season as mediocre or awesome? Sometimes you get trapped in a relationship, whether it's romantic or friendly, and realize that you make excuses for them. You'll say "maybe they were just in a bad mood, we all have that day." Or you'll brush it off saying it's just who they are, but should you really have to put up with a toxic relationship and feel like you're the only one doing anything in this relationship? You are worth more and deserve to be happy, don't be afraid to take a stand for what you need. You will still have people that'll love you -- never settle, you're way too awesome for that BS.
2. Work
In my last article, I confessed that I quit my job after putting blood, sweat and tears into it, but it didn't make me happy. I kept getting pushed around, so I quit. I've realized in the past few weeks, I've become happier. I don't find the need to go get drunk every night or complain about the day. I don't have a knot of resentment or bitterness in my stomach, I've even lost a little bit of weight (praise!).
Sometimes you'll go through lulls at work, where nothing seems to be going right, but sometimes you are blatantly rejected at every turn you make. If you get off of work every day needing to cry, eat comfort food, or be mad -- you need to find a new job. You should enjoy what you do, even on the bad days. It is scary leaving a job that you've put time into or studied for but over time you'll personality change and that one job you wanted to do since you were 16 is actually killing you now. Go forth and find a job that'll make you happy!
3. Introvert or Extrovert?
I'm an introverted extrovert. I need to recharge by myself, but I love socializing. If I go three days without just talking with someone, I go stir crazy and little depressed. My brother would rather go three days without talking with or seeing anyone and be completely happy. If you know you need to be around people, then get your butt out and socialize. Go to the campus events. Hang out with your roommate. Just because your group of friends doesn't want to hang out, doesn't mean you have to be isolated too. If you do want to binge the last season of Game of Thrones, don't feel guilty for it. It's your life, your body. You know what you need.
There is a silver lining to each side. If you are the type that needs to do something every night, just make sure to take a step back and ask if you're trying to hide from something. Sometimes it's not bad to stay in and just reflect and recharge. Same with those who would rather stay in, if you keep telling your friends "no" they'll stop asking you. Sometimes it's good to get out of your room and experience the college life or the post-college life. You need to find a happy balance for yourself.
4. Self-Love
When I'm happy with myself, I dance...a lot. I used to dance at work when we listened to the James Brown station. I looked ridiculous because I wasn't on tempo and was reenacting the moves on "Hitch." All the customers were laughing and loved it. Someone tipped me just because I looked like I was having a lot of fun. Then at a recent Halloween party, the group of girls I was with just started pulling out the cheesiest dance moves ever and didn't even care because we were laughing so hard.
This is the big one: how much credit are you giving yourself? You are your biggest critic, so don't tear yourself down. Seriously, you'll never be "the best" if you keep comparing yourself to someone else. In the theater world, they tell you when auditioning to play it how you read it; it's your interpretation of the words, not by copying someone else. The director is looking for something specific so if you copy someone else -- you'll be boring and often forgotten because you didn't make an impact. No one will ever be you, so you need to bring all that you have to the table -- this is how you will become the best.
5. Location, location, location!
Just because you grew up in the north doesn't mean you can't move to the south. I'm a suburban/city girl, I can't do small little towns that shut down at 9 p.m., unless it's Stars Hollow, Conn., because who doesn't want to be friends with Lorelai and Rory? I know a lot of people who love the small town they live in -- they like walking down the street and seeing people they know every two feet. Find what makes you happy. Do you feel confined or lost?
6. Pass the whiner
When I was at my last job, I complained a lot. I didn't notice how much I did until a friend asked if I was happy to be working there. No one wants to be around someone who constantly complains, not only will it bum everyone out around you but even you'll get tired of hearing yourself complain. We are so drawn to negativity that if we hold on to it long enough it will kill you. Look for the small things in life -- they'll help you see the bigger picture.
7. People pleaser
Why does it feel like, in 2016, there have been more disputes across the world? Because women, Muslims, Native Americans, Black people and the LGBTQ community are tired of being shut down every time they open their mouth. Listen, if you are being told how to react or feel, please tell that person to shut up. If you aren't happy, you are allowed to express to your friends why. You are allowed to be happy and if that means upsetting the status quo, then by all means, please do not be quiet about it. There's nothing wrong with helping people out, but if they are taking advantage of you, you need to put them back in their place. In every relationship, there should be an equal force push and pull.
