Ever since coming to Cal, I have made more mistakes than I can possibly count. I would be lying if I said I didn’t spent a few nights on the bathroom floor in my dorm room, after all. But I’ve also learned more than I could possibly imagine, and have made a lot of decisions that impacted my life for the better. Unfortunately, as my anthropology classes have taught me, life isn’t a binary. There aren’t good decisions and bad decisions; every action we take has ramifications and benefits. The decision to download Postmates was one of those actions.
For those of you lucky enough to not know, Postmates is a delivery service that can deliver food from pretty much any relatively close location. From fast food, like the Taco Bell-KFC hybrid, to nice restaurants, like Angeline’s Louisiana Kitchen, Postmates delivers it all. And I have fallen into its trap with no hopes of escape.
The consequences: when the delivery prices are blowing up, they erupt like Mount Vesuvius. Not that I would know because I never spent $76 on chicken and waffles…
The benefits: my lazy ass doesn’t have to walk down Frat Row to get donuts from King Pin. Especially when stoned.
Because if munchies weren’t bad enough, add Postmates to the mix and it’s equally heaven and hell. But no matter what your budget is, Postmates is the best (and worst) decision to make when you’re high. And here are the 11 best foods to order from Postmates when you can’t open your eyes wide enough to see the street and your friend is laughing too hard to get off the couch and go to La Burrita.
1. Taco Bell
I mean, do I need to explain the beauty of Taco Bell when you’re stoned? It’s greasy. It’s disgusting. It’s 88 percent beef, 12 percent unidentified substances. If that’s not magical, I don’t know what is.
2. Jack in the Box
They literally have an item called the “Munchie Meal” that’s only served from 9pm-5am for a reason. Shout out to the Spicy Nacho Chicken sandwich.
3. Safeway
Surprisingly, Safeway is a great option to Postmates. It’s an entire supermarket at the tip of your fingers and you don’t have to deal with the shopping cart wars. They also have any item you can possibly imagine. Or if you’re a high chef, now’s your chance to show off your skills.
4. Thai Noodle
It’s relatively cheap and decent thai food when it’s 11:30pm, especially when you’re watching Rick and Morty.
5. Seniore’s Pizza
Seniore’s is great for more than drunchies. It’s also great for munchies. And now you can that slice of pepperoni pizza and deep fried Oreos sent directly to your door.
6. Pacific Cookie Company
For those with a sweet tooth, Pacific Cookie Company cookies are amazing. And Postmates delivers them. Double win.
7. Wingstop
When you want to unleash your inner Frat Star, there’s nothing better than chicken and beer (at least that’s what my smoking buddy says). Buffalo wings and sugar-coated fries are all you need to make a high person happy. I promise.
8. Homeroom
For the macaroni and cheese enthusiasts, Homeroom is the best mac and cheese you will ever stuff into your face. With dishes like Jalapeño Popper Mac (cream cheese, jalapeños, and breadcrumbs, oh my!) and Gilroy Mac (gouda cheese and garlic, what more could you want?), Homeroom takes this classic high food to a whole new level. Because they close at 8pm, it’s perfect for the day smokers.
9. San Francisco Soup Company
For the potheads who try to munch healthily, SF Soup Company is perfect. With a plethora of salads and wraps, the options are endless. Or, you can make your own salad, chock full of vegetables. They close at 10 p.m. though, so make sure to order early.
10. Starbucks
When your inner basic white bitch manifests, Postmates delivers Starbucks. It’s also great for that much-needed rush of caffeine when you start to feel groggy. FIve espressos are also great when you want to expedite the come down.
11. Home of Chicken and Waffles
Located in Oakland, it’s not for the impatient stoners. It takes forever to get those moist pancakes and crispy chicken, but it’s completely worth it. And they deliver until 3:30 a.m.
