As November nears and the blood bath we call the election process comes to a close, I find myself completely mortified at our two presidential candidates. Both have completely flip flopped on policies and neither seem to be putting the American people first. But between the two candidates there is one in particular, who's misogynistic behavior has me completely aggravated and disgusted that a group of people are willing to have someone like that be in control of the free world.
That candidate is Donald J Trump.
His racist, sexist, unethical, and inhumane comments and campaign strategy has me dumbfounded that such a horrific human being exists on planet earth. Not only that but his Vice President pick is just as misogynist or even more than Trump himself.
That's why in November, as I head to the polls, there's 100 things I'd rather be doing than checking the box next to Trump's name on the ballot.
1) Do a 1000 piece puzzle and then have my dog ruin it.
2) Pick entire toenails off one by one
3) Take a Calculus Test
4) Run a Marathon
5) Get Blood drawn
6) Lie down on hot concrete in the summer
7) Go to a Comic Book convention
8) Listen to the Nyan Cat on loop for 24 hours
9) Walk across the desert without any water
10) Do burpees
11) Shave off my entire head of hair
12) Fall off a roller coaster
13) Be forced to wear a potato sack for clothes
14) Be banned from Disney World for life
15) Do my makeup for an interview blindfolded
16) Be a race car ornament
17) Put boiling water up my nose
18) Wear wool on a hot summer day
19) Be covered in leeches
20) Do the cinnamon challenge
21) Delete my Netflix account
22) Let Edward Scissor Hands shave my arm pits.
23) Get cauliflower ear (sorry wrestlers)
24) Go on Dating Naked
25) Be Catfished
26) Endure a Russian winter
27) Take shots of pickle juice
28) Accidentally message my middle school crush on Facebook
29) Never listen to One Direction again. I love One Direction.
30) Have to sit on the It's A Small World ride at Disney World for 24 hours
31) Invest my entire life savings in Blockbuster stock
32) Go bungee jumping
33) Eat shell fish. I'm severely allergic to shellfish.
34) Get stuck in an elevator for more than 10 minutes
35) Do an Ironman
36) Pet an aligator
37) Bite off my toenails one by one
38) Get punched in the face by Dwayne "The Rock," Johnson
39) Meet Putin
40) Go to Jail or Prison
41) Smash my car windows
42) Take the Bar exam
43) Bathe in Hot Sauce
44) Go to a nudist beach
45) Listen to Fetty Wap's "Trap Queen," on repeat
46) Be married to Kanye West (Sorry Kim)
47) Never be able to pet a dog again
48) Glue my hands to my face
49) Watch a badminton match
50) Be featured on "My Strange Addiction,"
51) Have Nick Cannon roast me on "Wild N' Out,"
52) Be forced to ride on the roof a semi
53) Accidentally like my exes new girlfriend's tweet.
54) Super-Like my T.A. on tinder
55) Get into a bar fight w/ Vin Diesel
56) Get my tongue pierced
57) Roll my eyes and ACTUALLY have them get stuck
58) Step on a Lego
59) Be stung by a Bee
60) Go see the second 50 Shades movie with my Grandma
61) Die alone
62) Read the entire Dictionary
63) Be imprisoned in China
64) Be attacked by a monkey
65) Have my hand shut in a car window.
66) Work on Christmas
67) Go to school in jeans with a hole in the butt
68) Fall down a flight of stairs
69) Sit next to someone who's sick on an airplane
70) Kiss Ozzy Osbourne
71) Stub by pinky toe
72) Do a bellyflop
73) Punch a concrete wall
74) Move to Siberia
75) Go to class during a blizzard
76) Attempt to jump over a hurdle and trip
77) Run stairs
78) Roll down a hill
79) Eat refried beans
80) Use Olive Oil as conditioner
81) Watch Game of Thrones
82) Punch Nick Jonas in the face
83) Wear Crocs on a blind date
84) Take an ice bath
85) Get my wisdom teeth out again
86) Have an airhorn blown in my ear
87) Be bit by a small child
88) Be kicked out of a concert
89) Be hit with a baseball
90) Chew on an popsicle
91) Ductape my eyelids shut
92) Listen to a lecture on Quantum Physics
93) Lay in a bed of rodents
94) Have lice
95) Have a spider as a pet
96) Get bit by a dog
97) Shave off my eyebrows
98) Get a tattoo on my butt
99) Have my car stall in an intersection
And finally, #100....
Kiss feet.
Get the point?
