I feel like I have spent my whole life searching for things that make me happy. Is it People? Places? Is it a life goal, a dream, desire, hope? Will I find happiness in school, food, sports? Sometimes, I even began to wonder if I left my ability to be happy under my bed, or on the side of the road somewhere.
I wish it was as easy as looking under my bed, but it isn't. Being happy isn't as black and white as I hoped it to be either, I found that a lot of the time, I was settling in some kind of gray area in between pure happiness and sadness, and that is where I found myself so content.
These are my tips to you, in case you find yourself stuck in a world that doesn't seem very happy.
Okay, so obviously crying isn't a very happy, overly-exciting thing, but Jeepers Keepers it helps. A lot. Holding in our feelings, desires, worries-whatever they are will only hurt us. We are all imperfect, so don't waste time trying to be perfect. If the ocean is pushing on the back of your eyes, let that shit pour. It's okay to not be okay.
Cry, be a snotty mess, understand and confront whatever it is, and let it go. I promise once you do that, it will be a lot easier to stand up and continue walking through your life without that weight.
It took me a really long time to realize that I wasn't choosing myself. It took me even longer to understand that choosing myself sometimes, doesn't make me selfish. It seems like we spend a lot of our time helping others, putting them first, doing things they want, that we forget about the things we need too.
Skip going out, skip the gym, skip whatever it is you need too and have a date with yourself. Take a bubble bath, or lay in bed with a cup of coffee and binge watch that super good show on Netflix. Our souls need a little bit of attention sometimes too.
With Someone Who Makes You Happy
I thought I needed a girlfriend to be happy, or I always had to be with my friends` to validate that I was a good person. Why wasn't my own opinion about myself important? Well it is. Make sure the things you find yourself doing, you actually enjoy.
Be kind when others aren't, be helpful when someone is struggling, and sometimes we even have to fake it until we make it. Sometimes, we aren't happy and don't want to be... but if you smile long enough or choose things you enjoy throughout a bad day, eventually it won't be that hard to pretend anymore.
You don't need someone in your life to validate you're a good person because at the end of the day it is you against yourself. You are your biggest critic and your own best friend. Reflect on the things you do, and simply ask yourself "Am I someone I'd want in my own life, that would make me happy?"
You'd be surprised what you'd find out when you ask yourself that question.
7. Talk it Out
I live with my one of my best friend in the whole entire world. I'm a lucky person for that, but not everyone does. One hear a secret? You have a device in your pocket that makes your best friend only a few clicks away. So pickup that phone and start talking.
Screams, whisper, cruse like a drunken sailor do what you have too. Open your mouth and talk that shit out.
6. Sweat it Out
Sometimes words just aren’t enough. If your anything like myself sometimes silences is the only thing that is keeping us calm. If that is the case, go sweat it out. Run until you're dying, punch a punching bag until your arms are weak, walk through the woods until you're in a whole other world.
Whatever it is, get up and move. Exercise your body; exercise your mind, and sweet out all that negativity.
5. Feed the Soul
I love salads. Not for healthy reasons at all- I love chicken, I love berries, and I REALLY love all the unhealthy toppings like blue cheese. But sometimes when I'm having a rough day, or a hard time loving myself, I need food for the soul and not for my body.
Order that pizza and wing. Bake cookies (or just eat all the cookie dough). Whatever your weakness is, take one for the team and submit to the greatness of fatty, unhealthy food that your soul just absolutely loves.
Personally I like to think that devouring a whole dark chocolate bar will allow me to discover the answer to my problems, but usually it just makes them a little more bearable.
4. Be Kind
You will never hate yourself for being kind, I promise. It's easy to hate others when you're kind to them and they screw you over, but that doesn't reflect you. I whole-heartedly believe that Karma is a bitch, and what goes around comes around. Be kind to yourself, be kind to others, and you'd be surprised how others react when you're kind to the people that don't deserve it.
3. Embrace the Inner Child of Your Being
Don't roll your eyes, you know you're inner child is in there. So embrace it. On the days or in the moments we struggle the most to smile or be happy, sometimes it's because we have spent so much time being too serious.
Be goofy, be loud, doodle, shake your grove thang and dance around, blare your music and jump on your bed, make an immature joke, they're funny sometimes.
Do what you have to do, to let the inner you take a deep breath, and smile.
I think the last two values are the hardest to accept. How can we be patient when it feels like the end of the world? When our lives are doomed, how can we sit down and stay calm?
You can, I promise. Even with that dark inky feeling in your chest, you can still be patient. Accept the chaos around you even if you're unsure it accepts you. Personally I just yell “ plot twist” and move on. Trust you and me this dark inky time will pass and you will succeed in all the things you were meant too.
1. Forget "Perfect"
News flash you will never be perfect. Shocker, I know. So stop trying to be. Sometimes the best things in life happen to us in the most imperfect ways. The more time we spend worrying about all the could go wrong, all the isn't right, all that is "supposed to be", the less time we have to enjoy our lives and surroundings and jeepers creepers we live in a beautifully imperfect world so enjoy it.
Forget about being perfect, and forgive the people in your life who aren't either. People are going to wrong you, hurt you, betray you, but you're going to have to forgive that. Forgive the deed, accept reality. Remember Frozen and “ let it go!”
The more you let go, the more you have to accept and cherish in your life. Being happy can be extremely hard sometimes, but being happy can also be one of the easiest things you do.
Some days are easier than others, But I promise you if you stick by even a few of these, you'd be surprised about how happy you can actually be.