The week every college student loves to hate has arrived. Finals week is a strange time, full of underprepared kids hyped up on caffeine, and occasionally substances they shouldn't be prescribed, trying to cram for an exam they should have been studying for a month ago. It is a time when kids who never try too hard pull all-nighters just for the ability to say, “I can't believe I failed that exam. I studied for it all frickin' night!". But the dreadfulness during finals week would lead an ignorant man to think it was the worst thing to ever exist on planet Earth. But in fact, I am here to give you nine things far worse than finals week.
1. Ebola
Finals week might cause an epidemic of Starbucks highs, all-nighters, and people ordering pizzas to the library, but Ebola literally caused an epidemic. There's a big difference there.
2. Losing to Oregon in the National Playoff Game
Jameis Winston literally threw the ball backwards. He was the winner of the 2013 Heisman Trophy, the 2014 National Championship, and 27 consecutive football games. AND HE THREW THE BALL BACKWARDS.
3. “The Interview"
What a waste of an international crisis. For a film that had profound diplomatic effects, this one sure was an epic fail. The hype for this movie was incredible. And inevitably, it let us all down.
4. Drunkenly Falling Down the Stairs at Clyde's
Nothing is worse than an intoxicated stumble. In that moment, after tumbling down an entire flight of stairs, it feels like the entire world is watching and judging you. No finals week grade can prepare one for this kind of embarrassment.
5. Elections
Elections are literally the worst time of the year. Cheesy commercials, constant news coverage, and having to choose who to vote for, make one wish, just for a second, that we lived in a dictatorship.
6. The University of Florida
Imagine how horrible finals week would be if you also had to deal with the fact that you go to the University of Florida. Need I say more?
7. Yeti
Partying, nudity, and illicit activities. If you can find it on a college campus, you can find it on Yeti. And it's all very disturbing.
8. ISIS
You can add these guys to the long list of why I'll probably never go to the Middle East. I hope this doesn't sound insensitive, but I for one like my head being attached to my shoulders. Just saying.
9. 8 A.M.'s
Who came up with this idea? Who in their right mind would expect any college student to be up at this hour, let alone attentive and ready to learn? It's eight o'clock in the morning people.
Honorable Mentions:
-Baja's and Coliseum
-The Jacksonville Jaguars
-Kim Kardashian
-Bill Clinton Becoming First Gentleman
-MIP's
Yes, finals week is daunting. But it is not “literally the worst thing ever." If you truly think this, you need to get your priorities straight.
