Growing up in King of Prussia for the last 22 years I’ve seen my fair share of tourists, or “shoobies,” come and go. In fact, one might even say you can call me THE King of Prussia. I kid, but I’m sure there’s others who can probably lay a better claim, so I can settle for Prince. Just know I’m coming for you. Anyhoo, when meeting new people through college, work, what have you, or just tourists coming to visit the mall during holiday season, I’ve noticed there’s a few things that you are almost guaranteed to be told or asked. Here are my 10 personal favorites that every citizen of King of Prussia has heard at least once. (In no particular order)
1.“Oh you’re from King of Prussia? So do you like, live in the mall?”
Yes. That is exactly what we do. You got me. There are absolutely no signs of civilization in King of Prussia other than 202, and the mall. Personally, my local tribe and me like to stop, drop, and set up shop right in front of the Apple store. I’ve been asked that more times than I probably should, or if there is even a town there at all. It's questions like these that really feed into my growing concern that we’re all doomed in the near future. Which leads me to …
2. "So is there a town there or is it just a mall?"
Please refer to the above response numbnuts.
3.“Upper Merion? Like where Kobe Bryant is from?”
This gem is frequently asked when meeting people in college. No he is not from Upper Merion. He went to Lower Merion. AKA the richer one. But not many people from around here even know that, because he does all he can to sever his ties from the area. Want proof? How about when he went to the Phillies-Dodgers NLCS game in Los Angeles claiming to be a Mets fan on camera? That trolling asshat can stay out west, or return to Lower Merion, I really don’t care, because for the last time he didn’t go to UPPER Merion. Hell of a player though.
4.“There’s no way that you guys actually have a 6-Eleven."
We do, and there it is. Why? Because the royalty that is the citizens of King of Prussia don’t need to play by the rules. Let us enjoy our over sized freeze pops and cheap lottery tickets in peace.
5.“Don’t worry. I’ve been to this mall before. I know where the store is."
This is by far the most adorable entry on this list. Hearing out of towners, especially after Thanksgiving, claiming they know where every store is, to impress whomever they happen to be with, never gets old. Oh you’re from the main line and used to come here on the weekends in middle school so you’re suddenly an expert? Tell me about when you played in Marvin the Martian’s space ship in the old Looney Tunes store. Can you tell me your milkshake of choice from the old Friendly’s (even though Ruby’s did and still does rule the milkshake game), or give me a detailed description of what the old Food Court’s layout looked like with businesses included, and what happened to it to cause the renovation in the first place? Then you’d have my attention.
6.“Wait that isn’t DELCO? What is it then?”
No, King of Prussia is not “DELCO,” (Delaware County) and honestly I thank god every day that we don’t, A. identify ourselves by county, and B. if we did, it wouldn’t be that one. (But if I must then #MONTCO)
7.“Yo, you guys are soft compared to N-Town”
I legitimately never know how to respond to this. Nor do I ever really care enough to do so.
8.“Oh wow, I didn’t know it was that close to Valley Forge.”
Well I know somebody who didn’t do well in geography or history in school. We got shopping for the young, and history for the old.
9.“Wait, isn’t the Mall of America the biggest mall in America?”
Yes. By shear size it is. But based on retail space, aka actual stores, not roller coasters and water slides and all that other gratuitous bullcrap. Plus if that mall is so great, migrate there for Black Friday. I’m sick of being fearful of leaving my own house because a mere couple blocks from said house, it’s basically The Purge out there.
10. “What’s with that giant Rooster?
First of all, you don’t disrespect the rooster. He was brutally vandalized once and the whole town almost seceded from the Union. Secondly, stop asking questions. Just enjoy feeding the goats and eating your gelati blend and be happy I brought you here in the first place.
Now with any hometown, its citizens will complain that there isn’t anything to do. But after going through college and hearing about all of the hometowns of the people I met there, I’m glad I grew up in King of Prussia, a place that’s actually pretty well known. Everywhere else seems like it really sucks.
