On the rare occasion where I actually attend a game, I'm most definitely confused. I spend more time critiquing uniforms and the way people in the crowd are cheering than I do actually focusing on who's winning. Although many may try to teach me the art of "sport," and what exactly a "penalty" is, I like to save the space in my brain for more relevant information.
As someone who is generally incredibly clueless about everything that goes on at sports games, I'm very aware that there's a series of stages to the art of being clueless (yes, it's an art).
1. You have to deal with your friend's shocked reactions.
YOU??! Going to a SPORTS EVENT?!?! No way. They're all in disbelief but it's true--you're attending a game.
2. You try to bring an athletic friend.
Preferably someone with a high level of patience who can explain the game at a first grade level.That'd be ideal.You also make sure it's someone with a high tolerance for confused and possibly ignorant sports-related inquiries.
3. You get there early to get "good" seats.
You want to be confused with a view, right? You're not really sure what qualifies as a good seat (in the middle? on the left side of the field? by the concession stand?) but you sit up close so you can see.
4. You make sure to wear festive apparel.
You might not know what’s going on but you have your school colors on. You are so ready to support your team. Bonus if you have your face painted and everything like a truly dedicated fan.
5. You ask a million questions.
“What’s a fumble?” “Which side are we trying to get to?” “Which uniforms are ours?” "What is that yellow napkin the ref just threw onto the field...oh, a penalty flag?" You realize you know way less than you think you do.
6. You start yelling at everyone on the field.
Despite not really knowing what’s going on you're passionately yelling at everyone. The ref! Your team! The enemy team! The people on the sidelines! It's a blur of confused yelling.
7. You’re still confused so you start admiring the players.
#10 looks great in his uniform. Oooh how about #12’s calves? *Insert heart eyes emoji here* You might not know sports but you sure know how to admire the players.
8. You accidentally cheer when you’re not supposed to.
Whatever. How were you supposed to know the other team got a goal?
9. You get super into the game.
Despite being confused, you want to WIN. You're suddenly really passionate about your team and you want them to CRUSH the enemies. You’re going nuts with the crowd. You'll probably have no voice by the end of the game.
10. Every time you hear people yelling you get confused.
Is it a good yelling? A bad yelling? Are we winning yet? The scoreboard is your savior at this point.
Yeah, you spent most of the game being confused and all of the sports-related information you learned will probably be gone tomorrow, but you had a fun time anyway.
