If you don’t already know who Iliza Shlesinger is, let me proudly be the first to introduce you. She is a 32 year old comedian from Dallas, Texas and everything you aspire to be in life. You may know her as the season six winner of The Last Comic Standing, unless you're me and know nothing about stand up comedy until your Little forces you to watch it on Netflix. She has two segments currently on Netflix, War Paint and Freezing Hot, and I encourage you, no, I demand you go watch them immediately. Before you do that, here is a list of reasons why she is my (and soon to be your) spirit animal.

1. She has the cutest rescue dog that you've ever seen named Blanche (because let's be honest that's everyone’s favorite Golden Girl, and we're still mourning her recent passing).

1. We finally have something to blame our drunk alter ego on - #partygoblin.

1. She doesn't quite have this whole dating thing down yet either. (Silk blouse? Clutch? What?)

1. Her dream break up is something you wish you had thought of.

1. She makes you feel better about your food choices. (Tapas? Salad? More like hungry for life.)

1. Her Pinterest obsession rivals your own.

1. She understands that “Is it cold outside?” is always a plausible question.

1. Her priorities are in order. “Give you a handjob or get fries? Both are salty. One will give me carpal tunnel. I'll go with the fries.”

1. She speaks the truth about your ‘at home clothes.’ “Why are they covered in holes? Because tears corrode.”

1. Finally, she voices what we all know to be true: going out…is war. “This isn't a push-up bra; it's body armor! And this ain't makeup, sweetheart, it's war paint!”

I could go on forever, but who has time for that when you have Netflix to watch? So, grab a bottle of wine and a straw(why dirty a glass when you're just going to drink the whole bottle anyways?), curl up with your boyfriend (cat, whatever), and be prepared to laugh your at-home-clothes-covered ass off. And if you don't like her after those two hours, then I'm sorry. You just can't sit with us.