For those of you who have never heard of Brene Brown before, I highly suggest after reading this article you go pick up a book of hers or watch her TED talks. She received a PhD in social work and has devoted much of her life to researching and studying shame and vulnerability. Her books highlight that not only do we criticize others but most importantly and dangerously we criticize ourselves. If you are looking for more research regarding her work, then I highly suggest you dig into it!
My point being that before I found Brene, I can honestly say that I thought self criticism was a normal everyday part of life for everyone, it was just part of our society. Nobody is happy with themselves, we all strive to look and feel better. Take a look around at all the magazine covers and commercials, we can never be good enough. But then one day I came across a quote by Brene, “Talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you love." Wow, that really hit home for me, because it’s true. We should love ourselves for whoever we are, and we would never speak such negative things to those we truly love. So why do we do it to ourselves?
So how do we go from negative self-talk to self-compassion, to listening to our bodies, minds, spirits and giving it what it needs? How do we become OK with being uncomfortable with ourselves both the way we look, and what we may say or do? We can speak positively about it, we can talk openly about it and make a plan for change! We can use those negative thoughts to move forward, to use as a learning experience! We can choose to dwell on them and move no where or we can choose to address them and better ourselves. It would not be realistic of me to say stop talking negatively to yourself, but instead I want you to come up with a plan to increase your positive self talk and watch that negative talk slowly disappear!
There are numerous ways you could go about approaching this topic; I am just going to give you a few examples! First you may want to begin meditating, start getting comfortable with yourself in silence, you can start small five minutes a day will help! Try something new; so if you do not like the way your hair looks today, google some new ideas. If you aren’t feeling like that current exercise regimen is doing much for your goals, join a new gym or find a new class! You don’t have to be stuck. Keep trying! Last but not least, negative to positive thinking; every time you tell yourself something negative make an effort at that same time to change that exact thought to a positive one or a reason you may be grateful for what ever you may have spoke negatively about!
Good luck and remember self-compassion is only the beginning of a beautiful journey ahead.
