I’m a perfectionist. I always have been. Whether it be in my school work or upcoming performances, I will spend hours upon hours on one task to make sure that every single detail is absolutely perfect. I like to tell myself I’m like this because I want others to enjoy my work without having to worry about errors. While this isn’t entirely false, being this way for so long has made me realize that I’ve stopped caring about what my best is, and have turned to what other people would want to see from me. I strive for good grades in college because it’s what looks good on resumee's. I practice for hours because what if someone catches me on video making a mistake? Each time I mess up, I hear someone in my life tell me, “Don’t worry, you did your best”.
Every time I hear those words, I can’t stop thinking, “But what if I didn’t? What if there was something more I could have done?”
I understand now that my way of thinking is completely wrong. I’m constantly worried that my best isn’t good enough for someone else, when, in reality, no one else should be dictating how hard I work. Everything that you do should be for your own good, and your own success. No one else’s opinion should matter. It’s one thing to work hard on your craft for the enjoyment of your audience. It’s another to drive yourself completely mad in the process from anxiety of making a mistake or other people judging what you do.
See, that’s the thing. There are always people who will be judging what you do. Worrying about them will only drag you down. Maybe you didn’t write the best essay in the class. Maybe your presentation had a few flubs. But you still tried, and you still succeeded. No matter who you’re trying to please, know that the only person who matters is you. And if you’re doing everything in your power to get through the days, then you are winning.
Your best is exactly that- your best. You can’t keep pushing yourself for more and more if you’re already giving it everything you’ve got. Your “100%” can be different every single day. Sometimes your best is crossing off every item on your to-do list, others it may be getting out of bed to shower. And that is okay. All around you, there are people shouting at you to stop comparing yourself to others. But that never really is the problem, is it? You have to stop comparing yourself to, well, yourself. You change every single day. And your “best” changes every single day. Do what you can do, do your best. And if that’s just breathing and existing in this crazy world for now, know that it’s alright.
