If You've Ever Thought You Could Change A Guy For The Better, You're Wrong — But Not Alone

If You've Ever Thought You Could Change A Guy For The Better, You're Wrong — But Not Alone

You can't change people, you can only hope they change themselves.

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PSA: Listen to the song "Boys Like You" by Anna Clendening before (or after) reading this because it's AMAZING and it's literally describing what I experienced in the relationship I'm writing about here!

Now that I'm 19 years old and have been in a few relationships, I've learned that no matter how hard you try, you'll never be able to change a person unless he/she WANTS to change. It's sad but true. I like to see the good in people...who doesn't?! But it gets hard to see the good when you get attached to someone who is doing more bad than good.

When you've known someone for six or seven YEARS, you realllyyy get to know who he/she is as a person, what he wants in life, etc. And when you get attached to him, grow to love him (for all the good and all the bad), and fall...hard...GIRL, you're already risking getting hurt. But you don't even care because all you're thinking about is what he's doing and when you're going to see him next.

In my experience, I grew to love this person for all his strengths and all his flaws. The feelings that I developed for him lasted throughout high school and were always lingering even through all the lows. It's natural to still feel strongly for someone even after they've disrespected or betrayed you. You're normal! You have feelings! Everyone does. So don't think to yourself "Jesus why am I such an idiot for being so hung up on this person after what they've done to me..."

I'm aware that personally I'm a very emotional person and I wear my heart on my sleeve, yet I still find myself crying at the end of the night over someone who isn't crying over me. Can you relate? LOL.

He told me everything I wanted to hear and I believed every word...

He treated me like a complete ass sometimes (and I just let it happen), talked down about me to my best friends (idiot, but I chose not to believe it), and then kissed me like I was the only girl in his world (and made it all better).

I now realize that in high school there are some people who are looking for a relationship to last, but the MAJORITY of high schoolers just want to mess around with several people and not be so serious. That's just how it goes at that age and if you're in high school reading this right now, just accept it. SORRY!

That's exactly what I went through and I've learned so much from it. I experienced so many amazing highs but so many horrible lows. It was like a roller coaster of emotions. When I was with him I felt on top of the world, but when he was off hooking up with other girls a night or two later, of course I felt hurt. No, we never dated, we tried but again he didn't want anything serious and he knew that I did and got intimidated...but everything happens for a reason.

And the feelings were still there, even when I dated other people!

We both have problems of our own and things to figure out, but if there are two things I could share with y'all about my experience, they'd be: don't force something with someone who isn't CRAZYYY about you back (and doesn't care to show people how much he truly likes you), and don't waste your time with someone who tells you what you want to hear but isn't mature and ready to match his actions to his words.

You won't understand until you fully experience it, and once you do...just know that it definitely hurts but the hurt will disappear once you realize letting the person go was the best decision for YOU.

And IF you reunite with that special person in years to come, hopefully, they decided to change for the better. The world is full of possibility.

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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People Who Invalidate Your Feelings Don't Actually Care About You

People that refuse to acknowledge that they've hurt my feelings and say I have no right to feel how I'm feeling are not people that I want to be my friends.

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I'm an emotional person, to say the least. Whenever I get upset about something, I usually end up crying about it. Crying is one of the main ways I process my emotions and get sh*t out, instead of letting it bottle up. When I was a teenager and younger, I was definitely the person who wanted to bottle up my emotions and just never deal with them. Bottling up my emotions ACTUALLY ended with me blowing up every once in a while or having a huge breakdown.

Processing my feelings as they come is a healthier approach for me in handling my emotions AND it allows me to communicate when I'm upset with my friends shortly after the fact.

Sometimes, I'll confront one of my friends about how their actions made me feel like garbage and they'll go off about how I shouldn't feel this way and they're doing all they can to be a good friend. This dialogue is frustrating because I'm not saying they're a bad friend or a bad person. All I'm saying is they hurt my feelings and I would like for them to acknowledge it and try to avoid it in the future, if possible.

Another example, I have this other friend who doesn't listen to me at ALL when I talk to them. Sometimes, they will seem to register what I'm saying and connect with me, but two weeks later, they won't remember ever having talked about it. We went out together after getting back from winter break and they never stopped talking about themselves the whole time. Whenever I talked, it seemed like an interruption in their monologue. They wouldn't even acknowledge what I said and their actions hurt my feelings. How can someone say they care about me, yet treat me like that? They only wanted me to hear THEIR side of the story, without retaining any information about me.

People that refuse to acknowledge that they've hurt my feelings and say I have no right to feel how I'm feeling are not people that I want to be my friends. I want friends who recognize my feelings, even if they don't agree with them. I can't do anything to change my feelings! All I can do is accept them and tell my friends when they've hurt my feelings. When people try to change how I feel by saying I shouldn't be upset or saying I'm overreacting, it shows how little respect they have for me. Why would I want to be friends with someone like that?

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