When my friend inched her way towards the train tracks, she knew that this was not the life she wanted. She entered a new realm, and it was one that I have yet to exist in.
These events are nightmares that cannot be escaped for until fully healed. The constant replay of your last memories together, to now, where all that is left is a lifeless body in a wooden crate six feet into the ground.
"Find strength, be strong." These are the words that left my friends mouths as they scurried to find new ways to comfort me as I fell to a new low.
Strength is not something that can be pulled out of thin air, but, for me at the time, it was my mask. It was the casing to a hurt soul, but it was okay because all people saw was this smiling strong woman.
Why do we tell ourselves to be strong, and not to give into the vidid emotions our body signals us to feel?
The ups and downs are now being told to shut up and go back where they came from, as strength makes his way through to fill those niches.
When there is a loss, whether it is a friend you will never see again, or a relationship you will never feel again, we must be okay with weakness.
Weakness is vunerablility. It is when all the arrows are pointed at you, but you did not carry your sheild.
We are born into this life to feel, to love, to hate, and even to have envy, but what is any of that if we are masking our emotions with strength. It is nothing.
