For The Guy Who Thinks I'll Always Be There For Him, I'm Not Your Rebound Girl

For The Guy Who Thinks I'll Always Be There For Him, I'm Not Your Rebound Girl

No more.

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2:02 a.m. I hear my phone ringing. Who is calling me so late? Is it an emergency?

I turn around, see who is calling, and answer it. "Hiiiiii, give me attentionnn." I can tell by his voice that he is not sober, and has been partying the whole night, but struck out.

This is to the boy who thinks I will always be in his corner as a "backup." Not even a, "how are you," because it's all about him. Even if we haven't talked in weeks or months, the desperate phone call always comes in one way or another.

I am not going to lie and say I always denied giving this boy attention. My friends grew angry when they would find out the way he would treat me and talk to me, yet I still did what he wanted. I felt as he had me on this cord which I couldn't break free from. Until the other night, 3:15 a.m., the FaceTime came in.

I thought to myself, "maybe he wants to talk about something serious, usually late at night people become vulnerable."

Nope, I was wrong. He became vulnerable, but not in an emotional way. After months of my friends saying "I deserve better," and "Stop thinking of yourself as less," this one night changed it all. I finally found the courage to say, "No." Then, he proceeded to say how mean I was, therefore, I decided to hang up.

He kept calling and calling, non-stop. I declined each call and fell asleep. The next morning, he didn't say anything. In all honesty, I never asked him if he remembers doing what he did because he would either deny it or he actually didn't remember. As I said, it was always after a night of partying.

I hate to say that boys think they can play around with girls like we are things and they can have us whenever they want, but that needs to change.

We need to come to terms with "we deserve better" and we will receive better one day. Don't let them get to you and in your head. Your time is not worth it. One day you will always be there for a boy, but they, too, will always be there for you. Don't settle for less. You are not their dog. They can't just throw a chew toy and expect you to come back.

You are not a rebound girl.

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To The Boy I Almost Fell In Love With, We Weren't Ready For Each Other

I don't think we were ready to be what we wanted to be for each other.

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Hey you,

Look who's showing affection now.

I know you've been wondering if I'd mention you. I didn't think I would, period. Not this soon, that's for sure.

I'll start by saying neither of us meant for each other to play even a little bit of a role in each other's lives. Not as meaningful as we did, at least.

But no matter how unsure I was, no matter how many times I wanted to block you and leave everything unsaid, I couldn't help fighting through it just to know you.

The time we spent together never felt like enough. And I can't even speak in past tense because you're still here sometimes. Like when I think of your smile and how every part of me craved and waited anxiously for it to make an appearance, especially if it was because of me.

I used to think of it more, back when I thought you'd realize you made a mistake. Back when I thought we'd pick up where we left off.

I knew when I met you I wanted to show you every side of me. But what caught me by surprise, just like most things about you did, is that every time a layer of mine shed, yours did as well.

There are pieces of me, naked and raw. Physically and emotionally, locked away in your brain that nobody else will ever see. At least not in the way you did.

The purpose you had in my life was slight, in the long run. But regardless, you had a purpose and I want you to know that. I forgive you. I hope you know that me, out of all people, knows we can't control ourselves sometimes. Sometimes, we fuck up. Most of the time, it makes no fucking sense. All of the time, we'll try to figure it out and never will.

I don't think I'm falling in love with you anymore.

I'm sorry for saying I've never felt that way before about anyone, that was a lie.

I'm also sorry for being 8 shots deep when I said it.

That morning, I wanted us to cross paths again. I didn't think for a second you'd ever make me an option. I kinda thought I was your exception, your "just this once" because that's what you were to me.

This morning, I'm not sure we serve a purpose in each others lives. Not yet at least. Or ever for that matter. I don't think we were ready to be what we wanted to be for each other. And because I don't wanna reach out to you personally, I want you to know that I can't wait to see both of our many dreams come true.

I'm thankful for all of the little trips we took, stories and giggles shared, secrets whispered, ideas we cultivated, heart palpitations, and everything in between.

I won't forget.

I also won't cowardly push it away, like you're doing.

I don't blame timing, the universe, karma or any of that bullshit for the way things turned out.

At least on my end, I knew when I met you it wasn't forever. I think at the end of the day we both knew we were going to be the inspiration we needed to keep moving forward. Maybe a little more inspiration than we bargained for.

And maybe a little more forward than we bargained for, too.

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To The Guy Who Told Me Not To Be Me, Nice Try

He will not silence me.

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He told me to never cut my hair short because it would make me look too masculine.

So, I sent him pictures of three different pixie cuts and asked him which one I should get.


He told me not to wear red lipstick because it made me look like a slut.

So, I bought every shade from blush rose to maroon.


He told me not to buy heels taller than one and a half inches tall because it's unattractive for a girl to be taller then the guy she is with.

My favorite shop was having a sell on a beautiful pair of three-inch stilettos. I bought them.


He told me that I was putting on a few extra pounds and that I shouldn't order dessert on our next dinner date.

Did he honestly think I would say no to the red velvet cake that our waitress offered?


He flirted with the waitress, saying that I should "look more like her."

I wrote down his number on our receipt before we left the restaurant.


He told me not to leave my "feminine products" on the counter because it's embarrassing.

When his friends came over for guys night, I organized my tampons and pads nicely on the bathroom shelf.


He told me that I couldn't talk to my best friend of 12 years because he was a guy.

I invited him to watch a movie with us at the local cinema the following week.


He told me not to order wine at the bar with him and his work friends because he didn't want me to seem "trashy."

I ordered jack and coke instead.


He told me not to be a feminist because it meant that I thought I was better than him.

My new "GIRL PWR" shirt is my favorite.


He told me to be silent.

He told me that I think too much and that I speak what I think too often.

He told me nobody cares about what I have to say.

He told me that the things I say don't matter.


So, I wrote a poem about him.

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