I have always found immense light in the quote, "If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there."

Coming into the year 2018, I definitely took some time to reflect on the past year of 2017. I am going to try to identify my thoughts and feelings on what I learned this past year as much as a small article permits.

An emotional roller coaster, chaotic, joyful, agonizing year 2017 had been. The year I lost everything that I thought to be my future. Forcing me into a spot I never wanted to visit, nor did I know how to manage.

I know I'm only 20 years old. But that is also 20 years of experience that people my age can relate to, if not reach younger souls I wish to help. No advice is good unless it is listened to. Advice is just a crumb off another's loaf.

Here is my hurt, and here is my joy.

When was the last time you reflected good things about yourself, instead of the good things or people in your life? There are times I forget all there is to know about me in which I choose to immerse myself into better, more inviting things. I'm not sure if it's being 20 years old or if certain circumstances have shaped me to have this perspective.

Lately, it is hard finding even the smallest joys to keep me sane. I know they exist, but they feel so far away. That's when almost anything around me sparks my interest just to keep me alive. This isn't sad, this is real life. This year left me with guilt, sadness, loss, and regret.

My soul felt vacant. I can confidently say that I have never experienced these feelings at such a deep level in my life, especially for an on going long period of time.

But I know why.

It's because I stopped being in control of my own life. I let everything and everyone outside of my physical and mental platform to take me along for the ride. I was incompetent. Not because I was stupid or unintelligent. But because other things seemed more exciting than myself.

So I ventured out and gave up every good opportunity that came my way and a life I once knew so well. Little did I know it would send me into an ongoing irrational spiral of misunderstanding injustice. Until I finally gained the balls to redeem myself.

With that being said, I do not blame the outside sources and circumstances that suddenly "changed my life." I honestly do take full responsibility, and I do not hold it against myself anymore.

I've learned that when you stop punishing others for their weakness, you will stop punishing yourself for yours. A new life that fear is no inner or outer challenge since defeat can only exist in the absence of the willingness to learn.

I have become really quiet, timid, and discreet after this passed year. I have become more particular with the people I choose to be in my life as well as leaving those in the past that no longer better my present or make for a healthier future.

A great quantity of loss has taken place around me and within me, but every individual only has the capacity to fight the darkness for so long. Somehow that gives me peace. Knowing I can make any decision I please, without strings or triggers pulling me back to my old ways.

Because if you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there.

Give yourself some compassion today if you haven't already. Accept yourself as you are. Always stay compassionate towards yourself.

It will be the only component that saves your life one day.