Let’s talk body.
In the United States, 20 million women will battle an eating disorder at some point in their lives. By the time girls are six years old, 40% will express dissatisfaction with their body’s appearance; this number increases to 60% by the time they’re 12, and 80% by the time they’re 14.
Eighty percent. Four out of five girls will hate the way they look by their fourteenth birthday.
Does this surprise you?
We live in a world with Anaconda and All About the Bass blasting on the radio, but with Victoria’s Secret Fashion Shows playing after dinner. We live in a world where you can get a glimpse into another person’s life as soon as you find their profile on Snapchat or Instagram. We live in a world where so many celebrities preach, “You are beautiful just the way you are!” before frolicking into their plastic surgeon’s office.
It's not all bad, and there are some steps in the right direction being made. We have #AerieReal, the first mainstream lingerie advertisements that don’t retouch their models and feature ladies of different sizes. There’s #Fatkini, the Instagram hashtag encouraging women of all sizes to put on a bikini and love themselves. There’s #RealGirlsCommunity, a Facebook group started by none other than Leana Richards and her sister Lauren (featured below) that’s a forum for body positivity and healthy living. But there needs to be more. There needs to be more honesty. And I don’t mind standing here in my skivvies if it’ll elicit an honest conversation.
And honestly, I hated the way I looked until I was about 19 years old.
By the time I was six I noticed how my thighs expanded when I sat down. I had a bigger bust, jean’s size, and number on the scale than both my mom and older sister by the time I was 12. I vividly remember writing down “weight loss goals” on my calendar, which at the time boasted pictures of puppies and was scotch taped to my pastel pink bedroom wall.
I felt swollen; I felt ugly; I felt embarrassed. I only nodded when a family friend encouraged me to wear Spanx under my prom dress. In most pictures I’m scrunched over in a desperate effort to hide my stomach. The kicker to all of this, of course, was that I was a size 4. I was a healthy weight, healthy BMI, I was physically active, and every doctor gave me a funny look when I inquired, year after year at my annual physical, how much was I overweight?
The moment that is burned in my mind, however, is when I was 18 years old at my mom’s wake. My appetite had vanished and I’d lost 10 pounds in tears and grief. As I stood with my family the most ridiculous thing happened: A significant amount of people who gave me their condolences told me between sniffles that I looked amazing. So skinny. So beautiful. I vividly remember a neighbor telling me that my waist had never looked better.
My mother was dead, but at least I was skinny.
My mother was dead, and at last I was beautiful.
In that moment, I realized how fucked up a world we really live in; a world in which your weight is a spectacle for others to comment on regardless of the occasion. Your body is no more yours than the person beholding it, critiquing it, searching it endlessly for flaws.
Is that not so hopelessly, indistinguishly fucked?
But of course, I am not alone. I am just another figure of the 80%.
I asked a few ladies in my life who, miraculously, graciously, agreed to talk about their experiences hating/loving themselves. I sent out a blizzard of questions and requested they sent a photo back, untouched, with them “covering” their biggest insecurity. These girls are all different heights, shapes and sizes; they all have different experiences in their bodies, and are at different stages of self love. You are not welcome to read on if you are not doing so with love.
Not that it matters, but these are truly stunning women. And it breaks my heart that, at one point or another, they questioned that.
Rachael Carter
20 years old from Philadelphia
What’s your biggest accomplishment?
I organized a volunteer trip to Cambodia as a high school senior.
Why are you covering what you’re covering in your photo?
I am covering my thighs. I think they are awful. More than anything else I think I dislike them because my mother dislikes hers. As a dancer I draw a lot of strength and physical power from them, but they aren’t attractive like the ones you see in magazines. They are just a little bit too wide and it kills me because otherwise I think my body is great. Buying jeans is a nightmare. It is impossible to find jeans that fit both “parts” of my body: I have a size 2 waist and, like, a size 6 butt, and it never works out. They don’t make clothes for curvy girls, even ones that aren’t plus sized.
Why is this important to you?
I don’t want to think that my body is terrible. I don't think people should feel so much pressure to look like the media. Being healthy is the most important thing and I want people to know that should be the standard, nothing else.
Have you ever been insecure about your weight?
I've been insecure about my weight since I was about 13. I went to an all-girls school, which was great in so many ways, but could also be really hard. When it came to body image it was one of those things that was really tricky; we were holding each other up as measuring sticks. As many people know this is when ladies grow boobs and butts and I was praying that it would not be me. I just remember seeing someone on the street that was not particularly skinny and someone saying, “Wow, she could stand to loose a couple of pounds.”
What message would you like to say to your 10 year old self?
I would like to tell my 10 year old self that the pressure to be something you're not is very real and to take it seriously. In the end the number on the scale does not tell you anything. Muscle always weighs more than fat.
Kim Realbuto
21 years old from Audubon, PA
What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
My intellect
Why are you covering what you’re covering in your photo?
Ever since I’ve stopped playing an organized sport, it’s been difficult to find the motivation to exercise on a regular basis. Recently I’ve felt like that has caught up with me and my stomach doesn’t look the same as it used to. I don’t like the way it protrudes when I wear tighter pants.
Why is this important to you?
I’ve been described by other people as “skinny,” but I still feel this way about myself. There is no doubt that 99.9% of other girls in the world have similar negative thoughts about their own bodies, but it shouldn’t be that way. It’s a much healthier mindset to love your body, and I hope girls begin to realize that and begin working towards developing a positive body image.
Is there a part of your body you’ve always disliked?
Since beginning college I thought that my arms were too skinny. Most of my friends have thicker arms while mine looked like skin and bone to me. I thought it caused me to not look as good in t-shirts and dresses as my friends. And it made me look weak. People assume I can’t lift the heavy objects, and I don’t like when people give me the ‘easy’ jobs because they think I can’t do anything more difficult.
Have you ever been insecure about your weight?
I know how this is going to sound, but I’ve always been a small person so these weight changes really did have an effect on me. Since 9th grade I’ve averaged around 102 lbs. The summer after freshman year of college I weighed myself on my parents’ scale (something I don’t normally do) just because I was curious. I’d gained six pounds and although that might not seem like a big change, it felt like I had gained so much weight. Entering my junior year of college I’d gained another two pounds. I didn’t like this increase either; I felt like I had gained 20 lbs. even though it was in reality an insignificant change. I still hate seeing that number on the scale, so I try to stay away from weighing myself now; it’s not a healthy habit. No matter how many times I repeat to myself that it’s not a bad thing, I still feel like it’s terrible to weigh that much.
Were there positive role models that counteracted any negative feelings you have?
My mom has always been a positive role model in my life. She has always emphasized exercise for the purpose of feeling healthy, fit, and able, rather than to ‘look good.’
Do you feel like there is an “ideal” body type?
I really hate that I do, but I do. I want my own body to look a certain way, but I don’t judge other people for not looking a certain way. And I’ve actually noticed that I feel this way in the summer (when everyone is in bathing suits) but not in the winter, which is probably because the way I want my body to look focuses around my stomach. I don’t like that I feel this way, I know it isn’t a healthy mindset to be in.
What message would you like to say to your 10 year old self?
Stay active and exercise by playing the sports you love, not because you feel like you’re obligated to go on a run every day. But most importantly, never undervalue yourself or compare yourself to someone else – not for your looks, your intelligence, not for anything – because everyone is different and that’s normal.
Leana Richards
20 years old from Queensbury, NY
What are you most proud of?
Playing lacrosse at the collegiate level while maintaining above a 3.0 GPA
Why is this important to you?
So many girls today have this false idea of what their bodies should look like. It really saddens me to watch someone so beautiful sit there and say “Wow I am so fat ...”
Do you remember how old you were when you first felt insecure about the way you looked?
I took a gymnastics class when I was younger, and I knew I would not look like the other girls my age that wore the leotards. Also, at swimming birthday parties I noticed how small other girls were, but it never really upset me. It was just something I realized. I’ve never really hated any part of my body; I just realized I was a bit different than the majority. The only thing I hate is that my legs rub together; I don’t hate it for the reason “I wish I had a thigh gap,” but more the idea that running in shorts freaking sucks when your thighs rub together!!
Have you ever been insecure about your weight?
I’ve always been a little insecure about my weight because I was bigger than most girls my age when I was younger. So being weighed at the nurse’s office or in gym class was always a little uncomfortable, but over time my perception of the number on the scale changed. I have NEVER looked like the number on the scale, I have a very muscular body and muscle is heavy. I’ve also never been told by a doctor or family member that I am overweight and that I think has kept me a little saner. And as I’ve progressed through my athletic career and health science curriculum, I’ve once again been reassured that the number on the scale is irrelevant.
Were there environmental factors that contributed to how you viewed yourself?
Constantly hearing people that are thinner or in better shape than you say “I am so fat, ew look at my love handles, etc,” made me question myself. Why don’t I say those things to myself? Am I fat? Should I be concerned? I never desired to be like them, I was happy and comfortable in my skin, I just worried that maybe people saw me differently than I saw myself.
Were there positive role models that counteracted any negative feelings you have?
My dad always told me, “you are growing into such a beautiful woman.” That is something that I will always contribute my overriding confidence to. At an age when everyone is so worried about what they look like, it was refreshing to hear that I was just growing and not getting bigger, but becoming a woman.
What would you say to your 10-year-old self?
I would say have fun, play outside, join all the sports available, and then eat the biggest slice of cake at the party! Seriously though, join sports or a club; you will meet some amazing people. Eat your fruits and veggies; they make you feel better, but also remember that chocolate makes you feel better too. The point is, do what makes you happy and feel good, you are beautiful on the inside and out and a girl with confidence and a smile is the most beautiful girl.
Megan Sear
19 years old from Allentown, PA
What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
I think I have a good sense of when to let things go if they’re harmful.
Why are you covering what you’re covering in your photo?
I’m covering my stomach because I’ve always felt like I needed to hide it or suck in. I grew up with ballet classes and always strived for the skinny body and ripped legs. I always knew that I would never be a professional ballerina but I still desired that physique so much because I was inspired by it. It was like if I had that body I would never be sad about anything. During my high school ballet classes, I never felt comfortable doing certain movements in a leotard because I didn’t like the way I looked in the mirror. Then I started sucking in throughout the day and making sure I wasn’t revealing rolls or anything. Even today, I like to wear high-waist pants and shorts. I always wanted to have a stronger core. I think it took me a long time to realize that people are just built differently.
Why is this important to you?
I agree with this idea because exposing my weaknesses have helped me get over them. I’ve always felt that in order to be confident, we should be able to look at ourselves in the mirror without feeling ashamed of ourselves.
Do you remember how old you were when you first felt insecure about the way you looked?
I think body image became a part of my life in high school. I was fifteen and logged calories, ran miles, did workouts in my room, and kept up with macros. I was confident, but I do think it’s a shame that I was so young and motivated by body image. In college I’ve fallen out of those habits a bit but I still feel guilty if I eat certain foods and feel obligated to work out after. I always kept my feelings on body image to myself, and I think this project is important because it helps people see that other people feel the same way and are working towards confidence.
Do you think that the media’s influence on female’s body image is irresponsible?
I think the media creates almost a Republican-Democrat kind of image. It’s like you’re a Victoria’s Secret model or Melissa McCarthy. And whenever a plus-sized girl is featured in something, it’s always a big hoorah and everyone makes a big deal out of it; featuring plus-sized girls should just be a regular thing. I wish companies and the media could just hire girls of all sizes and not even pay any attention to it. Then “plus-sized” people wouldn’t need to be labeled “plus-sized,” and we could all just be humans.
What would you say to your 10-year-old self?
Instead of focusing on hair, legs, fake tan, and abs, focus on what you want to be and how you treat people. And I’d tell myself to be less judgmental of myself and other people.
Delaney Silvernell
19 years old from Queensbury, NY
Why are you covering what you’re covering in your photo?
I’ve always been self conscious about my stomach. It’s something so normal that has become so taboo in terms of accepted standards of beauty.
Why is this important to you?
I want to inspire other people to develop the same sense of self love and appreciation I have, because it makes life so much more enjoyable.
Anonymous
20 years old from Brooklyn, NY
What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
I love to smile, and I'm a really happy person.
Why are you covering what you’re covering in your photo?
I have something called “pendulum breast”, which means my boobs naturally hang lower due to my Native American/Guyanese heritage. I am very insecure about them, but you would not know unless we are intimate.
Why is this important to you?
I've grown comfortable with how my boobs look, even though I still have some moments that make me want to hide them. I’ve come to realize that if I can overcome this insecurity, anybody can- with the right support, confidence, and courage.
Do you remember how old you were when you first felt insecure about the way you looked?
I started realizing I didn’t like parts of my body when I was in high school; everyone had a banging body, with a flat stomach and all. I always felt thick. I always wanted to look like every black female star, which was weird, but I did. I thought if I looked like them, guys would want to look at me.
Were there positive role models that counteracted any negative feelings you have?
My mom helped me through my weight issues and dieting issues; she helped me see how I can change my negative views about my body into positive ones.
Do you think that the media’s influence on female’s body image is irresponsible?
I think that the media messes up our idea of what it means to be beautiful. Every female in this world is beautiful the minute they are born! It is very unrealistic for every single female to look one way; we were born different and we shall stay different. Everyone wants this small waist but big ass and huge boobs. It's so annoying because that is not how ALL females look! We come in many different shapes and sizes and that is what makes women beautiful.
What would you tell your 10 year old self?
Your body does not define your personality or the gorgeous smile you put on your face.
Anna Shultes
21 years old from Queensbury, NY
I’ve already talked about myself, but here I am again, covering my stretch marks and cellulite because it took me years, fluke lotions, and a whole lot of wasted time before I decided to love my body. I decided to do this because if you looked at my Instagram, or even Facebook, you wouldn’t see honesty; you’d see a smorgasbord of pictures that were selected because I liked the way I looked. Because they disguised my cellulite or hid my stretch marks, or because a filter made me look tanner than I am. Nobody posts pictures in which they feel “fat”; nobody tweets about the moments they’re doing the skinny-jean dance after a weekend of drinking. But it happens. We all are there. We have weeks during which we go to the gym every day and eat salads, and we have weeks we watch Netflix and only get out of bed to answer the door for the pizza delivery man. No two girls I talked to have the same physique, and yet we all have such similar experiences, doubts, and insecurities. We are all feeling the same emotions, and I just wish we could talk about it in an honest way. I wish we could help each other overcome it without shaming the skinny girl or seeking validation from men. Hopefully, someday, we will, and our journey to self-love will be collective.
