Emotion controls my writing. Writing controls my emotions.
It goes both ways. Recently, people have been saying that I am a good writer. Well, I could argue that but it'd be useless because someone once said that "I'm too humble."
Despite that, when I write, I usually write for three reasons: assignments, to release my emotions, and because my emotions compel me to.
The first one is self-explanatory, but I have found that assigned journaling can surprise yourself. A former professor of mine once told me that five minutes of writing your thoughts (no matter how random or abrupt) can help you focus better.
I find that true, especially after long stressful days. I'll write for as long as I can until I feel as though everything has been said.
In class, I'll write in the margins or on a distant blank page the smartass comments I really want to say but won't (Ask my friends that have used my notes to study for finals, they're there).
However, the icing on this rant cake are the second and third reasons. Let me explain the differences that they have.
First, number two. I have very strong emotions and often I choose not to act upon them, so I write about them.
I find that the words and putting my emotions into ideas help me to understand them a bit better. It's quite useful and as of now, very entertaining. I like how I can play with words to explain my world.
My emotions fluctuate and I try to capture that in how I write. It's not perfect, but after one or two read-throughs afterward - I feel satisfied. My emotions are under control and I'm proud of my writing.
Whereas with number three, I allow my emotions to control my writing. Honestly my feels have a mind of their own. I find myself just typing or scribbling as words flow through based on the emotion that I'm feeling.
It's almost effortless and as natural as the wind. By doing this, I find a balance in my emotional, spiritual, and mental states.
My writing that has been considered "good" comes from my vulnerability and my emotional state.
It can control me, but I can also control it. This is how I exert that control - by writing about my life and my thoughts.
There is no talent, just a careful thought and a writing habit that helps me cope with intense feelings that I don't always know what to do with.