I have spent all of my life trying to convince other people that I have worth. That I should be valued. That I deserve their love.

That's a lot of work.

That's a lot of minutes wasted. A lot of seconds spent trying to allow people to do something they are incapable of doing.

Honestly what even is worth? How is that defined?

If you look up the word it is considered an intransitive verb (yeah, I had to look that one up too). But it's literal definition is "having monetary or material value." Basically, if you need it to be summed up, Merriam-Webster sees worth as "to the fullest extent of one's value or ability."

Weird. How can people who barely even know their full ability know mine? How can someone else define my worth when they hardly even know their own?

That is a lot of time completely wasted on my part. Allowing people who are completely incapable of seeing how truly magnificent they are to give me a definition.

I have spent my whole life giving people the chance to give my life a "quote." To put a price tag on not just my physical being, but my mental, spiritual, and emotional being. And you know where that got me?

A lot of nights crying in the shower.

My worth cannot be fully defined by one person, by one friend, by one family member, by one grade, by one professor.

Every person finds hope, love, and joy where they feel like they need to and for the longest time, I tried to find mine in the approval of others. But sometimes, not even sometimes all of the time, the places we are looking for those things are in places that can never provide that.

Whether it be the bottom of a bottle, the end of a pack, a bank account, or even other people. None of that will provide the ultimate satisfaction and approval that we all need. Ask anyone, all of it just numbs us up long enough to get to the next thing.

I think that worth needs a new definition.

Not necessarily a new one, but one that is not seen as often as it should be.

1 Peter 1:18-19 defines our worth as "for you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect."

That is our worth- nothing. Not even nothing. Emptiness really, except for one thing, the most perfect ingredient- redemption.

All that time I wasted, dedicating my whole life to having someone else define my worth ultimately to find out that to other people I really am not worth that much. Yeah, basically that's true.

But in all reality. The grand scheme of things, if you will. The ONE person who I very rarely turned to to define who I am is actually the one who made me who I am. The one who redeemed me.

And that, friends, is a much sweeter definition.