Humans are complex organisms that are made up of approximately 37.2 trillion cells, 86 billion neurons, and over one gallon of blood. We are born, we live, then we die. The only problem is that humans are so much more than that. Each individual person has a different story and different problems. No two humans are created the same. That means that humans have no true standard as to what makes someone perfect. That also means that no matter what, no human is ever truly broken. Broken. This is a word that is commonly used when describing mental illness; I remember at one time I believed that they were the same thing. I was wrong.
I feel like everyone that has any sort of mental illness knows that feeling of worry whenever there is someone new in their life that they are trying to open up to. You know that at some point in this friendship there is going to come a time where a conversation has to be had. "Hey this is something that I really don't know how to say but you know sometimes when I act this way or do this and you don't understand? It's because I have anxiety. It's because I have depression." The conversations are never exactly the same, but they always seem to involve the same thing: going out on a limb and feeling like your heart is about to jump out of your chest, feeling like you are about to throw up as you wait to hear their response, and just praying that hopefully they will still want to have something to do with you after learning this new information. I have heard responses to this ranging from I'm so sorry and I feel you to what is the matter with you and how can you even live with yourself being like that? Good question.
The world of mental disorders is one that I am no stranger to. I have been dealing with mental disorders on and off since I was probably six or seven (given that was around the time of my parents divorce, some therapists probably would have a few things to say about that), but it was always something that I could just kind of deal with until I was 13. At that age, several different factors caused me to start having debilitating anxiety which led to panic attacks which led to chronic depression which led to bipolar disorder and so on and so forth. Anxiety and panic attacks had taken over my life to such an extreme point that I was unable to leave my house for about three months. To say it was a long road back would be an understatement. You name it, I've probably been through it. For the longest time, I bought into the public opinion of just working through things and you can get over it. For the longest time, I thought that it was something that was entirely my fault because I chose to let it get the best of me. I was wrong.
The more time I put into studying mental health the more I realized the problem wasn't me, it was my body fighting against me. It was something that with proper medication I could go back to being me. I didn't know that before. That isn't really something that is ever talked about with mental illness, the light at the end of the tunnel. It isn't something that I normally talk about. It isn't something that anyone really talks about. How do you even go about talking about mental disorders? Society knows that mental orders need to be addressed, but it seems like the only way to acknowledge a problem is by turning it into a joke.
"It's been such a rough day, I am so depressed." "We have a huge test Friday, I have such bad anxiety." " He hasn't texted me back like I'm about to have a panic attack." "My teacher is so bipolar." Notice anything about these sentences? These are some phrases that I will commonly hear when walking around campus.
Why is it so easy for society to try and downplay mental illness by turning it into a common everyday phrase? Maybe because that makes people feel like they are acknowledging it without ever actually acknowledging the problem. You know the people who you never hear say things like this? The people who have actually been through them, the people who fight every day to see the light at the end of the tunnel. By using mental illnesses as adjectives, society is downplaying the strength of those who survive it every day. Society is continuing to depict it as no big deal so that when people suffer from a mental disorder they believe that there is something wrong with them that they cannot just get over it.
If you are suffering from a mental disorder I am here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with your body. You can't help it. You are so strong to live with this day after day. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. Seven years ago I thought my life was over, but seeing me nowadays you would never have known that. Your mental illness is not an adjective. You are not a statistic. You are so much stronger than society will ever let you believe. I am not going to lie, it is a hard road back. It isn't easy and I honestly don't know if it ever really goes away. All I know is that there is no better feeling than being able to finally breathe again once you make it out. The world seems so much brighter when you think back to that feeling of what it was like to finally step back into the light.
