Back in my day, kids...
Unfortunately, that's how I feel like I need to start this conversation -- which could very well be controversial. When I was a kid, I participated in every youth sports program that I could think of little league, travel ball, Future Jets basketball, AAU basketball, Parks & Rec soccer. I loved playing sports, learning about the game, refining my skills, and spending time with my friends. Looking back on that time, I learned many life lessons from those endless sports seasons. One of the most important lessons being that life isn't fair, and not everyone deserves a trophy.
That's right, I said it -- and I am prepared to defend myself to all of you wheat grass smoothie sipping, rice cake loving, feel good parents.
From a very early age, I remember learning the feeling of defeat. To this day, I can recall vividly both crucial games in which we either won, or we lost, and the emotions that came along with that experience. I truly believe that I am a more well-rounded person because of the impact that sports had on my life. Especially, because I didn't receive a trophy every time I showed up. If you ask me, that's a little absurd.
Going through defeat, not winning a trophy, not being voted the Most Valuable Player or even Most Improved Player didn't make me hate sports. It didn't hurt my feelings or make me feel like I was a loser -- it drove me to succeed. If my team wasn't the best team in the league, we didn't get a trophy and that only pushed me to want to become a better player, and a better teammate. Knowing that there were winners and losers in sports, developed a sense of hard work, determination, perseverance, and pride in our achievements. I carried those lessons with me into high school, college, and the real world. My competitive nature and desire to succeed is probably the only thing that ever prompted me to study for an exam in high school (which, admittedly, I still didn't do often enough). It drove me to write better papers, finish homework first, and gave me the desire to balance school, sports, my social life, and a job. I wanted to be successful in every aspect of life, and I truly believe that is the result of two things:
My parents never let me quit anything.
I didn't get a trophy for simply showing up.
I can't say enough good things about my parents not allowing me to quit things. It taught me about honoring my commitments and how to be a trustworthy and dependable. I'm thankful for those lessons. However, the idea of quitting is another article in and of itself.
Participation trophies create non-realistic expectations in life. In fact, what it often creates are narcissistic, self-entitled children who can't handle criticism. Please don't misunderstand, I'm not advocating that you yell at your 5 year old during soccer practice that he/she sucks because they missed a ball. What I'm saying is that they need to be taught to accept criticism and use it as a motivator. They need to understand failure and how to build off of those experiences. They need to be able to have a teacher, coach, professor, or boss look at them and tell them that their work is not up to par, and instead of treating that as unfair, using it to fuel the passion to improve.
A year ago, NFL Linebacker James Harrison came home to realize his two boys had received participation trophies. He promptly posted an Instagram update with a picture of the trophies and a statement telling the world he would be sending those trophies back, until his boys had done something to earn the awards. This isn't cruel, it's real. I fully agree with James Harrison's decision to do so, as do a lot of other people. We are raising a generation of instant gratification seeking people. This idea that everyone should be rewarding for "trying" is only developing a larger tendency towards selfishness in today's generation. Guess what, in college you don't receive good grades for merely showing up to class, you don't get a good job by just showing up for the interview, and you don't succeed in your career by just showing up at work every day. It takes drive, hard work, passion, determination, and yes, a little competitive edge from within.
At the end of the day, not everyone gets a raise, a promotion, a scholarship, a medal, or any other recognition for that matter. It boils down to hard work and dedication. If we give every kid that shows up a trophy, are we helping or hurting their future selves?
