I think that our generation is so obsessed with the idea of being in a relationship. It has become "necessary" to have someone. We have the mindset that we cannot be completely ourselves unless we have someone else apart of us. I include myself in this population that thinks this way—well I did.
It seems that relationships are something everyone strives for. We just want someone, to have someone. Dating has become convenient, not intentional, which in the long run is a problem. We have put such an emphasis on having “our person” and loving someone else above the most important thing: loving ourselves first.
It took me these past three years to realize why loving yourself first is so important. Being someone who loves to love, you'd think it would be kinda easy, right? Wrong. I easily put others feelings above my own because well, I love to love. I love to see others happy, and who doesn't? But this becomes a lifestyle after a while, so much that you do not even realize that you are doing it. That you forget to love yourself as much as you are loving others. And slowly you begin to wonder why certain things that you pray will work out, just don't. I didn't get it until this past year. If I'm being completely honest, I didn't fully grasp it until these past couple weeks when the Lord said no to something I was praying so hard for. I am glad He did.
When I think about loving others, I have to honestly say that I do not include myself every time. I constantly forget the way we love ourselves greatly reflects and impacts the way we love others. It is just a given fact; especially when you enter into a relationship. If you do not love yourself first, the relationship can turn toxic fast. How can we expect to understand the love someone else has for us if we are unaware of the love we have for, or should have, for ourselves? It's easy. We can't.
Loving yourself means realizing your worth and not settling. When we love ourselves first, we realize things about ourselves that maybe we didn't notice before. We were distracted by seeking for things that did not need to be sought after. I have a problem with this and it gets me into more trouble than I would like to admit. When we become aware of our worth, it makes it much easier to see what is good and not so good for us.
Over this past year, I let myself get way too caught up with finding "my person." Having a Christian mindset, it was really easy to get caught up with it because I was thinking every Godly guy I met was my person (sounds crazy, I know). I convinced myself that I was being intentional, but I was doing the total opposite. Every guy I met, it didn't ever work out and I became frustrated. I saw what I wanted, and the Lord was dangling it right in front of me. Yet every time it was yanked away, I became so confused. I had these desires on my heart that I thought were right and good-they were and still are. But I realized that desires are not always meant for immediate action. How can you possibly love someone else if you don't know your love for yourself? Once again, you can't.
What is for us will not pass us; we have to rest in that fact. But to reach those things that are for us, we have to be content with the steps it takes to reach them. In this case, you need to love yourself first before you can love someone else-for their benefit and yours.
“True love is healthy, respectful, and nurturing, whether it's for ourselves or for another person. It's positive, uplifting, constructive, and healing to those in our sphere of influence, including the person we look at in the mirror every single morning—ourselves.” -Laurie Buchanan
