During a breakup, you're usually distraught. Your mind is filled with so many questions over what you did, if there was someone else or if it’s possible for a flame to just blow out. No matter the reason, you’ll never be entirely satisfied with their explanation because the pain is hitting right in the moment. Yet, once a few months and sometimes a year or two passes, you’re able to think more clearly and reevaluate why exactly it worked out for the best that you and your ex didn’t end up together.
Sometimes when we get into a relationship and hit the honeymoon stage, we ignore the small annoyances because we believe they will outgrow them, or worse, that we can change them. Changing your significant other isn’t allowing them to be who they truly are, and down the road they will resent you for pushing them towards a person they don’t like.
Instead, what you should take from those past relationships are its lessons. Lessons over what you do and don’t want in a partner. It’s not absurd to create a list of wants and desires, but understand that no one’s perfect and that sometimes one pro might out way a quality on your list. Although, keep in mind that there should be at least three qualities that are deal breakers. For me they are being respectful, being family oriented and has a deep love for food. If he doesn’t possess each of those qualities than I know he is not the one for me. Because honestly…who doesn’t love pizza?
I do a small list because sometimes we overthink the perfect person. We say he needs to be this height, this size and make this much money with a full head off hair. Well, if you consider it, then you are taking out a huge chunk of great guys already because of such superficial characteristics that should not be your main priority. Sure the guy could be gorgeous which would make your superficial list but what about his heart? Does he respect women? His mom? The working class? These are the things that should be deal breakers and your past relationships should open your eyes to values you won’t budge on.
Your past relationships actually prepare you for what is to come down the road. That way when you do get into a new relationship and your partner has a similar argument with you that you’ve had with the previous ex you can evaluate based on the past if this argument is really worth losing the guy before you. You learn to pick and choose your battles, and embrace that yin and yang actually plays a part in love.
Someone who is too much like you could be boring, while someone who is nothing like you can cause disturbances in your relationship. But an even balance of differences, with a shared core of values can even one another out and open you up to new experiences. Hopefully leading you to, or closer to, the man you deserve to have, and not just settled for.
