I was raised by very strict Catholic parents who were raised in the time of the church where abortions sent you to hell, making out was promiscuous, and having sex before marriage made you dirty. My parents struggled progressing with the times, and although their beliefs are far more lenient and forgiving than the church’s…I was raised to believe that sex was for marriage and marriage only.

And then….I got a boyfriend. And I realized that, hey. Sex could be for boyfriends, too. Not just husbands.

And then….I got a broken heart. And I realized that, hey. Getting over someone definitely can be helped by getting over someone. (This is a joke. I’m not a porn star.)

And then….I got to college. And I realized that, hey. These people don’t want love. They just wanna make it.

I know that when some older generations read this, and maybe even some very religious or judgmental people in society today, they'll slut shame me and guilt trip me for my radical free love actions.

While society, churches, peers, and even my parents have really f*cked up thoughts about sex and love and what we do with our bodies, I’ve come to realize that no one really matters. Because what I do…and who I do….is no one’s god damn business.

The best thing that’s ever happened to me, as uncommon or slutty or totally “wrong” as this may seem, was my ability to develop a relationship with someone who I truly loved, and lusted all in one. No, lust isn’t love. But love is a million things all put together in one. And yes, lust is a part of that.

I’m a complete hopeless romantic, and I want roses that lead to a bubble bath and I’d melt if I ever rolled up my window to find a homie playing my favorite song from three stories down and YES I’d love to come home after a really shitty day and hug my person and I definitely crave a soul that understands my demons instead of silencing them.

But there’s a right and a wrong time for all of that, and sadly, from lots of shitty past events, it’s going to take me a long time and a lot of effort to get to those things. Relationships I’ve tried have come…gone…and failed…and as cliché as it may sound, it wasn’t them. It was me. The greatest lessons I’ve learned, though, that have taught me more about myself and relationships haven’t come from a boyfriend or a stupid crush or a random hook up or a one night stand. They’ve come from my friend with benefits.

First of all….1. No. A FWB is not a booty call. This is not someone who calls you at 2 in the morning when you haven’t spoken to them for a week or longer. This is not someone who expects everything and gives nothing in return. It’s completely fair; 50/50 or 100% on both sides.

2. FWB teach you more about jealousy and how to overcome it than any relationship or “thing” ever could. Because no, this person is not yours. You silently understand that, and you quickly learn that to be important to someone, you don’t have to be their everything.

3. They’re your friend. FWB aren’t just around for the physical stuff you guys agree on. These people are literally your friends. They’re the ones who are okay with splitting a joint on the roof, getting drunk in crowds or on your living room couch alone, the ones who will watch really shitty movies with you, and talk about random things for the hell of it.

4. You don’t have to impress them. Don’t wanna wear makeup? Don’t. Don’t wanna plan an outfit? Throw on that baggy ass t-shirt. And what’s even better is that you don’t ever have to worry about impressing his family and he’ll never have to worry about impressing yours.

5. You learn that you really don’t have to text someone every single day. These people aren’t yours, remember? You quickly discover that there is no reason to worry about the space, the silence, or any of the stupid “should I text him first?” rules that come with dating. But you realize, when you two do talk, that nothing has changed in between the couple days of space. You grow to understand and appreciate the silence. And oddly enough, you build a sense of trust, knowing that no matter how long the silence will last for, it won’t last forever.

6. There’s someone there for you in whatever way you might need them. No, you aren’t ever going to come home to roses or wake up to a good morning message. But a FWB genuinely cares about you. You aren’t another hit it and quit it, yet you aren’t a relationship that they’re fearful of messing up. FWB care, and even if it’s expressed in odd ways, they’re an amazing support system.

7. A FWB helps build your confidence. You guys grow together and go through a lot of shit together. They may not always be around, but you learn a lot from your time spent together. And because you’re not worried about being heartbroken, breaking their heart, or tiptoing around all those relationship rules, the barriers are kind of broken and the rawness seeps out. You get to be your true self when you interact with your person, and that teaches you more about yourself than you could imagine.

8. There’s literally no strings attached. Wanna call? Call. Wanna go on a date with someone else? Go. Don’t feel like answering? Don’t. I’m deathly afraid of commitment. This person is almost like a significant other without the scary “I Love You’s.”

9. Messy breakups aren’t a thing. When it’s over…it’s over. And it’s totally possible to remain just friends after the fire burns out. You can literally keep this person in your life forever if you want to. Goodbye’s aren’t necessary.

10. Because of a FWB you’ll realize what a relationship requires, and without ever purposely examining it, you’ll realize what things (like jealousy or trust or insecurity or whatever) you need to work on. And without ever purposely working on them…you will overcome them. Your FWB will teach you more about solving relationship problems without ever being in a relationship. And before you know it, you’ll stop looking for a FWB. And you’ll be ready for all that sappy romantic shit that everyone secretly craves.

I know this isn’t your typical list of rules when it comes to boys, and I’ve probably painted a really pretty picture of myself being a whore. (I’m not, BTW. But I don’t owe any of you an explanation if you don’t believe me anyway.) But I’m kinda tired of living in a society where a picture exposing a boob is considered porn and sex is considered dirty and it’s okay for a dude to be a player, but a girl can’t do the same without being called a slut.

That logic is backwards, man. And I truly think the hippies had it right. Whoever decided that having a FWB was “wrong” and relationships were the only way you could get over trust issues and sex was only okay if you were married and not having a lot of it?

No. None of that is wrong. Cause damn. I think that’s beautiful.