Dear...

Well, I’m not even going to say your name. I don’t need to. You know who you are. You know very well what you did. My main reason for writing this comes from the inspiration you gave me when I saw you in public for the first time in about a year. You would think that you would say "hi" or ask me how I was doing. No, instead you lowered your ball cap over your eyes in hopes I wouldn’t see you. Rather than being the bigger person you pretended you had no idea who I was, like you didn’t turn my world upside down, like you didn’t "almost" ruin my life. You did all this, except I didn’t let you ruin my life. I came back from my downfall better and stronger than ever.

Anyone who has met me after ending my cheerleading career can tell you they would never expect that I would have been a cheerleader because I deleted most of those memories from my life. Why? Well, simply put, because it was too painful for me to think about. Too painful to think about how I walked away from the biggest part of my life.

I was a great kid growing up. I don’t say that to brag, but I was. I did my homework and studied, went to practice, competitions, and open gym. That’s it! All I cared about was school and cheerleading. And I was good. I was great! By the time college came around, I was juggling finishing high school, wrapping up my senior year on my All-Star cheerleading team, and getting into contact with cheerleading coaches from different universities. When I decided to contact you, I was shocked by your prompt response. Your eagerness willed me to fly out to visit Purdue and meet you face to face.

You gave me a tour of the facilities. I watched the team practice. I was an eager recruit. I knew I would make the team; I wanted to go to Purdue from that moment on. It was the best school academically, I applied to, and there was no doubt in my mind that I would make the team.

As soon as my biggest dream became reality, everything changed. You were no longer the all-girl coach fighting over who got to have me on which team. You gave me a weaker stunt partner whom I grew close to, and we grew better together. But you weren’t interested in my progress, nor his, to be honest. You weren’t interested at all. I became invisible to you. You didn't put me in any pyramids and didn't even consider me for the nationals team. And to top it all off, you didn’t even call my name to work in a pyramid for tryouts. I was humiliated, when you called every flyers name to give them their chance, except for me. How had I gone from the recruit who stood out because of my impressive tumbling, flexibility, and stunting, to the bench kid?

I took a chance on you. I trusted you, and you lied to me. Now I carry a bitterness of what could have been. Had I taken the opportunity Tony Nash gave me to try out for IU’s National Champion All-girl team or Alabama’s coed team, I could have gone to various schools, stayed closer to home. I would have been happy. There were plenty of schools I would have rather gone to than Purdue. I’m not very happy at Purdue, but my saving grace is my idea that everything happens for a reason. I’m grateful to be getting such an amazing education and prestigious degree. Even though I’m getting a top-notch education, it doesn't distract me from the fact that you robbed me out of four years. Four years, that were supposed to be the best four years of my life.

I will never understand exactly why you suddenly started hating me. I know my roommate, who was also on the team had a lot to do with it. Starting rumors about me being promiscuous, doing loads drugs and partying all the time. But what I fail to see is why you would automatically believe her word, without approaching me about the accusations first. Even still, you had no substantial evidence of my “vulgar behavior” and never, did I ever give you a reason for concern in practice or games. I was on time, well behaved and I worked hard. I gave you my all until I realized my effort was useless. Once I started to feel abandoned, I lost all motivation. You made me hate the sport I once loved. You stole my identity away. You took from me the one thing I was known for.

After I had gone through a semester or two of depression, I realized that cheerleading wasn’t what defined me and that in no way would it ever determine my future or success in life. I decided to change my major to professional writing, I started writing for the Odyssey and have had multiple top articles in addition to the most visited page of the week. I wanted to thank you for crushing my dreams so bad; it made me realize how much bigger I am than my sport and how much bigger I am than you! Cheerleading never did and never will define me, and I don't need it to be special, I myself am enough. I’m sure you thought you broke me, for a while you did. But I came back better and stronger than ever.