Time and time again I have heard the phrase "Until you love yourself, nobody is going to love you." I used to believe that this statement was true; why would anyone love me if I didn't love myself? Isn't the way you see yourself how other people in turn, see you as well? I completely understood and agreed with the statement up until the moment that I realized how incredibly depressed I had become. While I believe that self-love is extremely important to have and that nobody is truly happy until they love themselves for who they are, I no longer believe in this statement, and this is why.

When I became depressed, the world turned a shade of gray. Nothing brought me joy the way that it used to, nobody really made me laugh the way I wanted to laugh. Food didn't taste as good (if I decided to eat), and everything seemed to make me feel sick. I didn't want to be around anyone, all of my friends' energy exhausted me and I didn't find comfort in anything that we would do together.

I really loved nothing, but the thing I loved least all of all was myself.

What I wanted more than anything was to feel like I was someone other people could love, but instead all I felt was weighed down, angry and sad, all of the time. I never looked in the mirror and thought "Wow, I look great. I am a beautiful individual." Instead, I looked in the mirror and saw someone who couldn't do anything right with her appearance, someone that nobody would love, even though the entire time I was in a long-term relationship.

What I needed to hear was that I was a loving person, who WAS loved. What I heard was "until you are better, until you love yourself, nobody is going to give you the love that you deserve." This was not what I needed to hear when I came home from a nine-hour shift and broke down in tears because of how exhausted faking a smile made me. This was not what I needed to hear on nights where I couldn't focus long enough to get any schoolwork done because I was overwhelmed with stress and didn't feel smart enough for my work. But this is what I heard for so long. I started to believe it.

So I pushed my friends and family away. I told everyone that until I could care about myself properly, they didn't need to worry themselves with me. They didn't need to spend extra energy on me because, well, what good was their love if I didn't love myself first like everyone else told me to? I was incredibly wrong, but I was lucky that I had people who did care enough about my well-being and failed to take my words seriously. Nobody ever left me alone for long.

I had love and constant support. And that was what made me love myself.

It's important to tell a person who doesn't love themselves that they are significant and that they make a difference in your life and in the lives of others. It's important to make sure they understand that the world wouldn't be the same without them in it. Why in the world is it a thing in this day and age to tell a person that the fact that they don't appreciate themselves means that nobody will? It's a completely backward way of thinking and makes the healing process for someone who is depressed counterproductive.

I didn't want to be told that before I could feel loved by other people, first I had to focus on myself and force myself to love who I was. I couldn't have gotten out of the hole I had sunken into if it wasn't for people who consistently told me that they loved me, that I was smart, that I was something special, that I was someone who would be missed if I wasn't here.

So no, I don't think that in order to receive love, you need to completely adore your entire existence as a human being first. God knows I didn't. I think that in order to appreciate the fact that you are alive on this planet when you don't want to be, to fully come to understand the magnificent weight that is your being and your presence here on earth, you need to hear from other people that you are loved.

You deserve to be loved even on the days where your cream filled coffee still tastes bitter, even on the days where you feel like your laugh is annoying and that no one cares what you have to say. You deserve to be loved when you feel that you are at your strongest, and at your weakest.

You deserve to be loved, even on the days that you don't love yourself.