Love is a weird thing isn't it?
There is a love between a mother and her child, between two significant others, the kind of love you feel for your best friend, platonic love, a love for hot dogs...the list goes on.
Love is taken for granted sometimes and right now, I'm feeling more hatred in the world than love. In this time of turmoil and tragedy, hostility fuels the fire and prevents a positive resolution.
Though I could go on and on about the series of recent events that have hurt us as a human race - #AltonSterling, the Dallas police shooting, or Nice - we're going to talk about a type of love that isn't directly related to these topics, but are certainly relevant.
Self-love seems to be a new thing, though it shouldn't be. Whether it's posting a selfie on a non-designated selfie day (such as #selfiesunday), or simply talking about your own achievements - whether in person or through Facebook, more and more I see people expressing this type of love for themselves in an effort to boost their own morale. I admire this type of confidence and strive to achieve it in my daily life.
However, self-confidence is certainly misconstrued into self-centeredness, which diminishes the premise of it all, as the value of this notion is not for anything other than personal gain. Suddenly, a declaration of beauty or new found happiness is met with negativity and hatred, with just a lingering sprinkle of jealousy.
When did it become necessary to downgrade the beauty of others? When you see a single white rose among a batch of ruby red, do you diminish its value because of its different appearance? In most cases, you'd admire its bravery, poise, and detachment from the norm. In the words of Zen Shin, "A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms."
In essence we can take after flowers, as they bloom and bloom without thought of their immediate presence within a field of others. In that way I see that I've bloomed through various areas of my life, emerging resilient and in the name of self-love and nothing else.
Empowering yourself through self-love shows both you and the people around you that you are very aware of yourself and everything there is to know about your persona, and being able to showcase facets that would otherwise be hidden in essence strengthens your presence as a capable human being on this planet, and ideally should inspire others to do the same. With social media being a very loud medium to express these ideas, it's easy for you to put yourself on a pedestal for others' reactions and ideas. Though I love the idea of facilitating this discussion of self-love and encouraging others to also do the same sort of thing with themselves, sometimes it doesn't end as well as planned.
Appreciating beauty in life is a skill that means you have an intelligent mind. Just like going to an art gallery and questionably looking at a large white canvas with two red dots in the middle, wondering why this thing is worth more than a dragon's egg blessed by a rabbi, sometimes you don't have to understand it completely, but just acknowledge the different beauty and its impact on someone else. Some of my friends are the most gorgeous women I've ever seen, and I'm sure to remind them of that, because when the world seems ugly, it's good to recognize the elegance in its prettier parts.
Self-love shouldn't need to be delineated, but perhaps it's necessary to distinguish it from conceitedness, as it seems to be a blurry line when it shouldn't be. **watch out!!! another quote!!!**
"Confidence is not 'they will like me'. Confidence is instead 'I'll be fine if they don't.'" - Christina Grimmie
What a powerful statement. Confidence has long since been used to distinguish yourself among others and do the things that perhaps the majority of people wouldn't do - which is getting into courage, another very important aspect of self-love - and hasn't been expressed as a personal and individual tactic to motivate yourself into staying true to yourself in an environment where you have the ability to morph and change into something else.
Take, for instance, the idea of makeup. For as long as I've been wearing makeup - which includes some questionable choices in sixth grade - it's been told to me that makeup is for impressing men, and that not wearing makeup is a sign that you do not care about your appearance. And as a hormonal 12 year old, I felt obligated to paint my face each day in an effort to grab the interest of a boy (gotta catch 'em all!!).
But as of late, we, as a society, have been attacking that. Celebrities post pictures of them without makeup, talking about how much they love the way they actually look versus the way they look in altered photographs. That's the kind of shit we should be posting. Expressing the happiness we feel about ourselves, and how it outwardly projects onto those that love us.
But let's stray away from the vanity of it all. Let's talk about self-love when it comes to your own true happiness.
When you make a mistake, do you beat yourself up endlessly? Do you say to yourself, "I can't believe I f'd up I'm so stupid?" or do you say, "Hey it's okay, I did my best. Hiccups happen and I'm acknowledging that it's happened and will try my best to avoid it next time."You are ultimately with yourself for the rest of your life, so it's time that you say sorry to all the stuff you've done and move on, realizing that people make mistakes and that forgiving yourself is going to make you stronger in the end.
Do you talk to yourself like you do your friends? Because let me tell you that you should be your own best friend and if you're negatively talking to yourself then you my friend are going to get nowhere. We hold ourselves to ridiculous standards, and you wouldn't treat your friends with that same echelon.
Time for yourself is also an integral part of self love. This is not a "let me grab coffee by myself in this cute little indie coffee shop and take Instagram pictures and feel like I'm in a Sundance film festival." This is a "I need time away from people to sort things out on my own time, without interruption from others." Though it's tempting to go to your friends and confidants by yourself, you ultimately make all the decisions and need to build up that tolerance so that you can start making "you time" a priority. You give and give and give, but your tank will run empty. Do you ever feel like you care more about your friends than they care about you? That means that you haven't been appreciating what you're doing for yourself, and that it's time you make an appointment with your head to reset. Traveling alone accomplishes this, which is why my road trips to and from home are the best parts of my year.
Loving yourself means that you stand up for what you believe in. Maybe you're political, perhaps you are not. Ever been in a conversation where your expressed opinion is shot down by another? You do not have to cave and say "oh you must be right." Bullshit. Opinions/views/preferences are never wrong. They're called an opinion for a reason. In this situation, you say, "Okay great. I hear where you are coming from but guess what I still enjoy [fill in the blank]". Validating your own opinions is much more beneficial than receiving it from others.
What you put into your body is also considered self-love. An IV of Diet Coke is basically what I want for Christmas this year, but I know that it's not good for me. Would I let my kids do that? Hell no I wouldn't. Treating yourself and loving yourself are two very different things, and it's important that the distinction is discussed. Having a bad day and accidentally eating an entire pint of gelato from Kroger happens on occasion, but it needs to be infrequent and sparse. Take the time when you really need it to indulge, and stay healthy most of the time. Healthy food makes you feel better, end of story. Would you rather feel good for the whole day, or suffer a food coma from a trip to Mickey D's? Loving yourself requires taking care of the only vessel you have for the rest of your life.
Love is long term. It's easy to think that short-term fixes solve everything when they're really just putting a band-aid on the situation. And sometimes love doesn't even look pleasant in the moment. Love requires sacrifice. Love requires patience. Love requires kindness. We're quick to tell others these notions but don't always remind ourselves.
What would happen if there was more love in the world? Would there be less tragedy? Would there be less hatred? You'd be surprised what love does in the face of fear.
Any change in world will take time, that's the beauty of it. While it happening over night would be great, admiring the process of how the world is changing is beautiful and important to understand. And it all starts with you. Love yourself for who you are and your purpose on this planet - whatever it may be. Less hate, more love.
Shout out to my dear friend Maggie who helped me put into words what this all means to me. Kisses!!
