I am writing this from the perspective of a cis woman who has only had heterosexual relationships, however, I hope these frustrations and observations will be relatable to people in all different types of relationships.

I know it, you know it, we all know it: relationships are complicated as hell, but do you know what’s even more complicated? Emotions. Yikes. Put the two together and oh man, there’s just a shit storm of mixed signals, guessing games, and disappointment.

I am constantly being pushed into not actually being straightforward because my sharing of emotions would be “too overwhelming” or “too forward.” Honesty is the one thing that could lessen all this confusion and doubt and complication but yet we veer away from honesty like it’s the plague.

In my experience, men tend to completely dip when a woman is actually just straight up and crystal clear with how they feel and what their intentions are. Why would it be PREFERRED to be in the dark all the time? To constantly be questioning what the other person is thinking or assuming or feeling? At the root of this, is fear. Fear of rejection, fear of commitment, fear of feeling embarrassed or silly.

At the end of the day, I’d rather the other person know how I feel, I’d rather wear my heart on my sleeve, and I’d rather take a risk every time, because I don’t want to live my life with my guard constantly up.

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I like taking ownership of my emotions and of the relationships I want to foster and let grow and of me saying, “Hey you’re great I’d love to get to know you more” is too forward for someone to handle, then I don’t need them in my life anyway. God forbid I actually just want to learn more about someone! How dare I ask!

Part of this is under the assumption that my asking to get to know you more and saying, “You’re great, let’s spend time together” is the declaration of my undying and passionate love for you… but that is simply not the case. My emotions are more complex than the white wall you think they are and yes, you may be a pretty cool guy; but no, I didn’t fall in love with you upon my first gaze of your Tinder profile.

Don’t assume that because I’m a woman I need to make you mine RIGHT NOW. It doesn’t happen like that, it will never happen like that, and I’m not expecting it to happen like that. I’m simply trying to foster a connection that could be fun and easy and maybe it’ll simply blossom into a friendship… but why not even try? Are you seriously that scared of my possibly having romantic feelings for you? Is having someone like you really that much of a burden?

Most of the time, women find it completely unattractive when men are hard to get. We don’t have time for that bullshit… no one has time for that bullshit. So why am I automatically more attractive when I make myself unavailable to you? How is that sexier or more fun?

You know what’s really sexy? Someone having the balls to say: “I like you, I’m down for you, let’s see where this goes.”

I’m done playing these games, and I’m done trying to shelter my honesty to make men feel more comfortable with my actually quite reasonable, adult, and mature emotions. I deserve and need someone who has more emotional capacity and awareness than a peanut.

OK. So, I definitely turned this into a somewhat brutal attack. I’m generalizing for sure, but this is all based on real experiences I’ve had, mind you. Obviously, I’ve spent many an hour being frustrated over this. But listen… I’m not going to leave it here. I’m making assumptions and I know that. I understand that men’s emotions are also complex in different ways and that I have to take more time to understand their perspective.

However, I usually never even get a chance to hear their side because it takes me prying it out of them to get any answers. Vulnerability is scary for both parties I know, but I also deserve an explanation and they deserve to feel heard and respected just as much as I do. So men, instead of making it harder for yourself, maybe just realize that women will immensely appreciate your transparency and sensitivity.

So let’s all just remember the golden rule — do unto others as you would have them do unto you — if you wouldn’t want someone to play games with your emotions, then don’t play games with theirs. So, guys AND girls, I think we can we agree that “playing hard to get” is a concept that needs to be resigned once and for all.