I'd like to begin this article with a little disclaimer: no, this is not me "passive-aggressively" bashing on some guy who didn't want to date me, nor is it my way of getting revenge on someone from behind a computer screen. I don't have a reason to be hateful towards anyone, let alone on the internet.
When it comes to the guys in my life, both past, and present, I have no regrets. I would never wish away the memories I have or the decisions I've made because it's those experiences that have shaped me into the person I am at this very moment, writing this very article.
This is solely my way of documenting my thoughts and sharing them in the hopes that at least one girl might stumble upon them and realize that they are not alone; that they are worth so much more than they think. It was a long, hard-fought battle, but I finally came to this realization myself and since then, I've never felt more empowered.
As a young woman living amongst today's tech-savvy generation, I think it's fair to say that the dating scene is much more complicated than it was, say, 20 years ago. You'd think having so many social media outlets available would make getting to know someone easier but it's actually that much harder.
Our most dominant modes of communication (texting, snapchat, Facebook, etc.) come with the most ridiculous rules and timelines, of which we acknowledge as stupid but yet we still follow them...why is this?
The rules tell us that if we respond too quickly to a guy, we look clingy. How dare we respond in a timely manner when we're supposed to play "hard to get," right? What about when a guy responds back and you immediately feel the need to dissect the contents of his message? I guarantee you, a guy is not putting that much effort into his text. It's us girls that feel the need to code our feelings through text. I don't know why this is but the whole back and forth thing is such an exhausting process and one that I wish to wash my hands of. I refuse to fall victim to another game of "mindreader."
And so I find myself asking, does dating still exist? What even is its definition nowadays? Is "talking" the new dating? I remember when dating used to mean being in a relationship with someone but today, that is just not the case. Titles have become confusing and stressful. Just the words "dating" and "relationship" will send a guy running which brings me to my next point.
I've been blessed with an incredible group of guy friends who look after me like their little sister. But it was after talking with them I realized there seems to be this invisible double standard plaguing today's dating generation. Now please do not think I am generalizing the male sex, but at least from the guys I do know, they appear to be terrified of commitment.
Where does this fear come from? Is it really because they had a bad previous relationship and don't want to be hurt again? Or is it because they don't want to be tied down in the event of someone better coming along? (It's not technically cheating since y'all were never "together" in the first place, right?) I get it, we are only humans here and I can't sit here and preach against something I could technically fall victim to myself.
We can't help who we like but there is a proper way to handle such situations...but that's an article for another day. What I want to know is, why are guys so quick to say "I'm not looking for a relationship" but the minute you appear to have the attention of someone else, they suddenly become possessive? It's like we are only wanted when it's convenient for them but we can't expect the same back.
I'll be totally honest, sometimes even I don't know what I want. Sometimes I'm perfectly happy on my own but then other times I wouldn't mind having that other half. Although personally, I don't classify myself as someone who enjoys all the lovey-dovey, sappy displays of affection. In fact, cheesy romantic gestures sorta make me cringe but does that make me heartless? Any less deserving of respect? Absolutely not. Either you are too clingy or you just don't cling enough...there is no perfect ratio.
And so, to all my girls who feel like they are undateable, well, perhaps try turning that thought around into this: maybe it's our generation that is undateable and we are the few that no longer want to settle; we want more and deserve more. We are the worthy ones of a genuine relationship and I truly believe that the right person will find us when we least expect it. We mustn't label ourselves as outcasts because the wrong guy made us feel like we were the wrong girl. And so, the stigma behind dating in today's world just needs to go. I know I'm over it. Are you?
