I want to start this article by saying this is just my opinion written more for my own amusement and entertainment than to try to add meaningful debate. I'm just having fun. If, however, you choose to get offended by this article anyway, I want you to know two things. One, there’s nothing in this article that’s disenfranchising or targeting people who can’t stand up for themselves. The people I’m targeting can stand up for themselves, arguably more so than anyone else in this country, seeing as how most of them are armed. Two, I stomach people exercising their second amendment rights. Now, they can stomach me exercising my first amendment rights. I think that people carrying guns around is a patently terrible idea. But as said, I’m not trying to spark any kind of debate, I just wanted to have some fun writing some kind of funny things about why I don’t like guns. Also, I’m mostly talking about concealed handguns here. If you like using guns to hunt, I’m a lot more OK with that. Wild animals are delicious, and I wouldn’t want anyone to lose the right to enjoy them.

Anyway, getting back on topic, guns just seem like a wildly unproductive thing to be carrying around in a civil society. If the point of society is to help us live our lives harmoniously and well, it seems very strange that the only way that this harmony can possibly exist is for all the participants to carry around instruments whose sole purpose is efficiently maim and kill people. It doesn’t make sense, and I’ve never had someone explain it to me in a way that makes sense. All the arguments for why society needs guns just never sound right. They always end up coming out as “I’m extremely white, angry and paranoid, having a gun makes me feel powerful and safe, and the second amendment says that that’s OK, so to deal with it.”

People toss this nugget around a lot: If guns are illegal, then criminals will be the only ones with guns. To that I say “good”. That means a lot less people with concealed handguns and itchy trigger fingers walking around. At least criminals are somewhat predictable. Criminals usually have a pretty clear agenda that doesn’t involve you dying if you choose to comply. If someone points a gun at me and says “Give me your wallet”, that’s fine. It’s annoying that I have to cancel my debit card and get a new driver’s license, but I’ll be able to live with it, and the outcome will be fine.

That guy will eventually get arrested, because that’s usually what happens to people who threaten other people with guns, and I can continue living in relative comfort. On the other hand, I’m much more worried about the people who might try to protect me from that guy. I don’t trust those people at all. I guess they’re well intentioned, but they seem very unpredictable. It’s never some bubbly, happy go lucky person who loves the world, but also wants to protect it, and has spent years of hard work learning how to do so. The people who think that having a gun is protecting anything are usually people with not quite enough self-doubt in their abilities to use a gun. So yes, I would be a lot more comfortable living in a world where criminals are the only people who are able to have guns.

I’ve never seen a situation arise that I felt would somehow be improved by anyone in the situation having a handgun. Even in situations where there’s some kind of problem, most problems that people have aren’t really the kinds of problems that you can solve with guns. So, while I can definitely see a lot of downsides to carrying around a gun, I can’t really see any upsides to an average citizen being able to carry around something whose sole purpose is to make killing more efficient. I think the fact that the downside of people dying isn’t counterbalanced by any kind of upside that I can see is the biggest reason why I don’t like the idea of everyone being allowed to carry around guns. But I live in America, and for the time being, it doesn’t seem like guns are going anywhere. So I have to live with it.