As I sat in church the other day learning about relationships I began to realize how incredibly wrong I am for you. I hate to admit to myself that I am, but its the truth. If I am going to marry you for the rest of my days on earth then I need to be prepared. You might be asking the question why, and that's ok. Here are the reasons:

1. I lack noble character (Proverbs 31:10).

I struggle with insecurities, pride, stress, anxiety, anger, good judgment, selflessness, disobedient . If I am going to be a good wife to you, I need to reflect Christ and His character. I need to be patient with you. I need to love you even when I don't like you. I need to be slow to anger and selfless. I need to use good judgment, be submissive to you, and not allow my insecurities to determine my mood for the day.

2. I need to be able to provide for you emotionally, spiritually, and physically (Proverbs 31:13)

While I understand you will be the head of the household, I need to bring what God has given me to the table. Emotionally, I want to trust you, love you, care for you, be strong when you are weak, find the good in the bad, and encourage you. Spiritually, I want to know God better than I know myself. When I wake, I want to see Jesus first. When I sleep, the last person I want to talk to is Jesus. When I am angry, sad, bitter, happy, indifferent, I don't want to run to you, I want to walk with Him. See you're not to be the only reason I am here. I wasn't created for you! I was created to be Christ's first and foremost. You are just the added bonus to a life lived with Christ. Physically, I will not be able to give you everything. I won't always be able to give you the butterflies you got when you first met me. Sex won't be what keeps you faithful. Holding your hand won't keep you from running away from me and my kisses will only be sweet for a while. See the physical will fade, but a love built with Christ in mind will withstand every test.

3. I lack financial security (Proverbs 31:16).

You might be saying that our love is not about the money, and you'd be right. But you should never feel pressured to provide for me. I don't rely on you for my needs, I rely on Jesus. While I appreciate you working (even now) to provide for our family I want to take some of the burden off of your shoulders. You deserve to come home and hug your children instead of working two jobs and never being home. Also, God designed us with a call/vocation/career in mind. I don't want to lose my purpose in trade for a husband. I am called to work too.

4. I won't give you the respect you deserve (Proverbs 31:23).

Just as Jesus did, I will wash your feet. I will submit to you as a wife is supposed to. I will yield to you at all costs. Not because I am weak, but because I have seen you lead just as Christ leads His church and I trust you will lead our family the same. I am at a place in my life where my respect for you would be tarnished after the "honeymoon phase ended." What I mean by that is right now I find you absolutely adorable. I would do anything for you. But what will happen a year down the road when you change jobs and we are broke and struggling. Will I withstand the test? Right now, I can honestly say no. But give me more time. As I grow closer to the Lord, He will teach me how to respect you.

5. I lack wisdom (Proverbs 31:26).

Plain and simple. I have so much to learn from Jesus. My spiritual life is a mess in comparison to where I need to be to make our marriage strong. If I am going to be a prayer warrior for us, I need more wisdom.

6. I have idols (Proverbs 31:27).

Shopping is an idol of mine. My phone is an idol of mine. My house is an idol. My job. EVEN YOU. Yes you. I love you so much. I have dreamt of marrying you since I was 5 watching Cinderella and dancing in my ball gown waiting to meet my Prince. It's the truth. I have waited for you, prayed for you, longed for you. I love the idea of you more than I love Jesus. Yet without Jesus, our marriage would never make it. As soon as I relinquish my idols to the Lord for a good amount of time, I will be ready for you. Until then, I will fall into idolatry if I marry you in this time.

If only you knew how badly I want to stand at the alter and commit myself to you. To kiss you morning, night, and every moment between. To raise our children together, drink out coffee on the porch, grow old together, and live our happily ever after. BUT I LOVE YOU MORE THAN THOSE THINGS. You deserve better. So I'm gonna let the Lord work on me some more. I'm going to press into Him and be His bride before I am yours. One day you will thank me.

Lord, even if you don't have me in a marriage you are still good because all of these things (and so much more) are what you deserve too.

I can only hope that you are out there working on how to be a better husband to me. Know that, I am praying for you, I am preparing for your proposal, and I am excited to pursue Christ with you for the rest of our days. Until then, seek the Lord with all of your heart, do your best to stay pure, explore the world, cry, laugh, make memories, and enjoy becoming the man who I will one day call, My Husband.

With Love,

Your Wife