As someone who bases their work schedule around the Olympics, I've been paying enough attention to gymnastics between London and Rio to be able to help your confused self out. Here are seven things you need to know about the US Women's Gymnastics Team heading into the 2016 Olympics.
1. NBC still sucks at coverage.
Last time we left NBC's Olympic coverage, we were in Sochi, Russia and head anchor Bob Costas had an inflamed eyelid due to a botched Botox injection, which is an image that defines NBC's Olympic coverage in a nutshell. From tape delays to anti-Russian sentiment, NBC's gymnastics broadcast would be a lot more enjoyable if I could watch it with NBC’s commentary duo of Al Trautwig and Tim Dagget on mute.
2. Seriously, how do you even have a national broadcasting job when you can’t tell two gymnasts apart?
Seriously. How? My grandfather could do better and he’s dead.
3. Head coach Marta Karolyi is still here.
But not for long. In July 2015, Karolyi said publicly that this will be her last Olympics. Whether or not her husband Bela Karolyi (remember the Romanian man with the mustache that NBC seems to show every Olympic broadcast like it was an overly self-absorbed teen sharing too many #tbts? That’s Bela) will take over the team is unknown, but I will definitely miss Karolyi's side-eye she gives her gymnasts that faceplant during routines.
4. This is not your previous Olympic gymnastics team.
Gymnasts have rarely made two Olympic teams in the US. With the US Gymnastics team having the most depth in decades, it is excruciatingly hard to make the team. Most of your faves from London were never even in the conversation for Rio so don’t give me questions like...
5. “Wait, so where’s Mckayla?”
Remember the “Not Impressed Girl” who fell on vault? Apart from being a part-time Instagram model, Mckayla Maroney managed to have a productive post-Olympic year. After winning gold on vault at the 2013 World Championships, injuries stalled Maroney’s road to a second Olympic Games. In an interview with Gymcastic where she effectively announced her retirement, Maroney accused her coaches Artur Akopyan and Galina Marinova of All-Olympia Gymnastics of emotional abuse. While she credits her coaches for jumpstarting her career to World and Olympic medals, she said that “mentally they just messed [her] up so badly.”
6. You know Gabby Douglas? She barely made the team this time around.
Gabby Douglas is going into Rio as the defending All-Around champion, but at the Olympic Trials in San Jose two weeks ago, Gabby Douglas finished seventh in the All-Around. Seventh. In the US. She’s expected to win a medal when she can’t even finish in the top three of her own country? The US is deep with talent, but not that deep. Marta Karolyi, the head coach of the national team, considered putting uneven bars specialist Ashton Locklear on the team over Gabby, which would have delighted Mattel, who just put out a limited edition Barbie of Douglas in July. So if you’re looking for Douglas to defend her gold, odds are you’ll be severely disappointed this coming August.
7. Honestly, you don't even have to watch the Olympics. Simone Biles will just slay everyone.
Having cleaned out the past three World Championships with three gold medals in the All-Around as well as multiple other medals in individual events, Simone Biles has become the United States’ most decorated gymnast. All that’s left are Olympic medals to an already cemented legacy…if bees in her podium flowers don’t sting her to death first.
