When You Have Nothing Nice To Say

When You Have Nothing Nice To Say

The day I called my kid a bad word.
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We have all been told by our parents, neighbors, and teachers, if you don't have anything nice to say, then say nothing at all. This has been a pretty easy rule to abide by. Most of us have filters that tend to help out when unnecessary or unwanted words want to slip out of our mouths. Let me tell you though, this rule sucks when you have kids.

The other day, my almost 3-year-old took it upon herself to take a bright red crayon to our pale gray walls. That's right, red crayon on a gray wall. It stuck out like a sore thumb and was at least five feet long on one wall. That's when everything went downhill. My filter took a vacation and before I had a chance to catch it, I called her a name I wished I hadn't. I called her a butt hole.

I’m crazy, but not that crazy. This really is a big deal. Kids are very intuitive and they learn things quicker than you could imagine. Right now is the prime time to work on letters, colors, shapes and numbers. There's a reason why Dora is such an influential show. Kids at this age can learn and adapt to foreign languages pretty easily. Kids go from not knowing a single word to knowing every word you don’t want them to know, in a matter of days. So, I called my toddler a butt hole. I'm waiting for it to come back and bite me. She’s going to repeat it and it’s only a matter of time. I’m waiting for the church teacher to pull me aside, in a few weeks, and give me a guilt trip about this particular word. After all, more than likely, my kid’s filter probably won’t stop the word from coming out in Sunday school.

In the few minutes after the “bad word” came out, I didn’t feel any remorse. In fact, no emotion of the sort came until after I was already in bed for the night. It hit me like a ton of bricks crashing over me like waves. I genuinely felt bad. She didn’t understand what butt hole meant. She still doesn’t understand. She understood when I said it, that it was a new word, and that the new word meant something bad.

She’s recovered. There won’t be any therapy sessions or social workers at our house. She isn’t going to be traumatized. There will be no nightmares over this whole fiasco. Hopefully, she’s already forgotten the whole incident. My luck, she really is going to repeat it at the most inopportune moment. When it happens, I’m not sure if I will laugh or if I will be mortified. Of course I have beaten myself silly over the word. Butt hole- it’s only letters long yet I am offended by all eight letters.

As soon as I said out loud that I was mad at myself for calling her a name, I realized how incredibly ridiculous that sounded. Did I mean to call her that? Yes. Could I have picked a better word? Absolutely. Yet, why are we all so offended to tell the truth? Everyone is offended by everything. Don’t dare go on Facebook and post a different opinion about something. You’ll be blasted, get death threats and will possibly not feel safe walking outside your home.

I want my kids to know when I’m mad. I want them to know where the line is. There is no reason parents should walk on egg shells to not offend their kids. I’m not justifying that you can drop a few four and five letter words every time you’re mad at your 3-year-old, I’m saying if your kid is being a butt hole, let them know. Maybe even try the gentle parenting approach, and say, “Hey, I really don’t appreciate how you’re acting right now, maybe take it down a notch.” However, if it doesn’t work, and you accidentally call your kid a butt hole, you’re going to be okay.

So when you have nothing nice to say, maybe it’s because there really isn’t a nice way to say what you’re thinking. It’s not going to kill you to call your kid a butt hole. It’s not going to kill you to sit down and realize that your 3-year-old might just be the devil. If calling your kid a not so nice name is the worst thing that happens to you today, you should chalk that up to being a great day.

Cover Image Credit: Citra Pramadi; Flickr Commons

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won’t see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won’t laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won’t go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They’ll miss you. They’ll cry.

You won’t fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won’t get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won’t be there to wipe away your mother’s tears when she finds out that you’re gone.

You won’t be able to hug the ones that love you while they’re waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won’t be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won’t find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won’t celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won’t turn another year older.

You will never see the places you’ve always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You’ll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it’s not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don’t let today be the end.

You don’t have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It’s not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I’m sure you’re no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won’t do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you’ll be fine.” Because when they aren’t, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

For help, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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Meditation Is Not A Perfect Practice, But It's Still Worth Your Time

You'll thank me later.

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nczupek
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I began doing yoga a few years ago, and I instantly loved it. The combination of stretching, mental relaxation, and emotional release is amazing. It creates a sense of zen and peace in my life that I can use during the stress that comes from school, work, and everyday life. But the one part of yoga that I am not in love with is the meditation aspect.

I absolutely dread meditation. I do not know what it is, but I can never quite seem to get my mind to quiet down. No matter how hard I try, there is always a million thoughts running through my brain. "Did I finish that homework assignment?" "Am I breathing too loud? Can other people hear me?" I become so focused on other things happening around me that I just can't seem to calm down and relax.

But meditation is not about just clearing your mind and going completely blank. It is about focusing on a single thought, object, or intention and just allowing those emotions and feelings to overcome you. Focusing on one intention in your life allows you to become focused and re-centered. Meditation is not a set in stone practice, it is adaptable based on each person's needs.

There are seven general types of meditation: loving-kindness meditation, body scanning meditation, mindfulness meditation, breath awareness meditation, kundalini yoga, Zen meditation, and transcendentalism meditation. Each of these general types can be adapted to fit ones specific needs in that time. All seven of these meditations offer stress release options to help with daily stressors and inconveniences.

There is no perfect way to meditate. Meditation can also be as simple as just closing your eyes and simply breathing for a few seconds while focusing on one important thing in your life to help you remain grounded. There is no one set meditation type that works for all people. Some people enjoy all of the forms or even several of them, while others such as myself strictly enjoy the body scanning meditation.

The body scanning meditation focuses on scanning the body for areas of tension and to encourage the release of tension in that part of the body. Once the release occurs, the whole body can begin to relax even more. It usually starts by focusing on the toes and relaxing then moving up the legs, the torso the arms to the fingertips, and all the way through to the tip of the head.

My ideal meditation type is not for everyone. Playing around with the different types of meditations is the best way to find an ideal type of meditation that fits what the body needs. Unlike with most things, practice doesn't make perfect. Practicing the art of meditation just helps to refine the overall calm and zen that is felt.

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