As I'm sitting in my room on a Saturday night with no plans to look forward to, I couldn't help but start to feel sorry for myself. Most of my nights panned out this way...I would eat dinner, sit down with my laptop for a bit, and eventually go to bed around 10ish (believe me, I know I'm not the typical college student). See, I suffer from a personality that needs to be busy and have people around, but is very introverted. I often don't make plans for myself, but will instead tag along with the plans of others if I were to be asked. Typically, I just naturally assume people dislike me unless they're able to convince me otherwise. It's just the way I'm wired, and I'm often pretty lonely because of it.

Now....why am I telling you all of this? Recently, I watched a "TED Talk" that I thought was worth mentioning. Do yourself a favor and spare a little time to listen:

Powerful stuff, right? So, this vulnerability...what did it look like in my life?

I might be the odd one out, but I've actually never struggled with it much. Whether by nature or nurture, I am an open book. I believe listening to my own feelings is powerful and I welcome it. I don't have much of a filter, and often don't care if people know awkward or uncomfortable things about myself.

From all of this, I have learned that there will be people who see my parts (especially the broken ones) and still love me. And one day I will love me too. I know in the depths of my soul that even though being vulnerable is lonely and scary sometimes, it paves a better path than numbness does. As Brown put it:

"The problem is -- and I learn this from the research -- that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say 'here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these'...You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other effects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness."

And today I am going to proudly say that I am happy to be a roller coaster of emotions. I would rather feel everything than nothing at all. And I hope you guys would too. Brown's end-goal for everyone is one of self-acceptance, and I'm hoping that with this upcoming year, I can continue to grow closer to that idea. If you would like to join me in my walk, I'd challenge you to do any of the following:

--call your parents and tell them you love them

--journal about a mistake that has been eating you alive and learn to forgive yourself

--tell someone something that is bothering you

--make the first move, even if it results in rejection

--sit alone without any distractions and see where your mind wanders

Let yourself feel.

Because you are human, and this is a privilege that comes with that.

Something we also have to remember with vulnerability is accepting it when it comes back our way. It is hard to carry the weight of another person's struggles, and I would be lying if I said I haven't faltered in that. But I beg of you all to try your absolute hardest to support people who share their true selves with you. My biggest support system comes from a 5'5" brunette named Haley. Never have I met a girl who displays acceptance so well. Tonight I got honest with her about my depression worsening. She sent me a beautiful response I'd like to send you all off with (with her permission of course!):

"You have to remember that your life expands so far beyond what you can even see right now...You have so many countries to travel to and people to meet and you always have me. But you'll also meet new best friends who understand you in new ways, you will find a thousand new favorite dresses or favorite shoes, and you will have so many nights buzzed on wine with the best people you haven't met yet. There are songs that have not yet been written that you will have on repeat for days, there are movies and books that you will come across that will make you feel understood. You are not stuck right now, as much as it feels like you are...We don't know what even the next week will bring, but we have each other and in a lot of ways that's all we need. Let's view life as playtime, as adventure, and feel what we need to feel but understand that everything that's transpiring has its own purpose and plan and one day it will all make so much sense...While others are wistfully spending their days in ignorance, we are becoming so much stronger and growing up so much faster and a time will come so soon that we will experience the most surreal joy and we will deserve every ounce because we will have the strength and the scars to say that we did it."

How I deserve a friend like that, I have no idea. But I can promise you one thing: an open heart did a lot of the trick. We can all experience a lot more of this goodness if we pave 2016 with vulnerability. Have a great New Years everyone!