Right now, at the age of 22, I've never felt so discouraged. Friends and counselors always told me I should take it slow when it comes to planning out my life. It's difficult to do that when everywhere I see either on every social media and through meetings friends for drinks people have their lives straightened out.
It's not even that a writer isn't capable of a steady income or that I'm a bad writer. It's just letting myself know how desperately I want it. However, it's discouraging when irrelevant articles and books are published out there and their works are considered "their proudest pieces of work" and the topics I choose are liked by one person on Facebook, if I'm lucky.
I can say that I'm jealous of those writers who are praised for their idiocy which I will not apologize for saying. Writing is a skill not everyone is capable of having. Everyone is gifted in their own special way. Unfortunately, there are those who proclaim writing is a method of self-expression and there should be no bias feelings against those who publish their works freely. It's not only fair to those who has always had a passion for writing at a very young age but also to the audience who expects to be educated through their personal reading journey. Similarly to how there are those who think blasting their A+ in their classes with their perfect GPA on every social media would give them a reason to be placed in a higher pedestal compared to others can personally be as an embarrassed thing to bluff about.
Maybe I'm writing this certain way because I'm consistently in a loophole of anxiety about my future. Compared to my friends that recently just graduated, I haven't finished my undergraduate years yet which doesn't allow me to have much time to experience the publishing world or moved out of my parents' authority. I'm also probably writing this particular way because my stereotyped Asian part of me has grown into an extremely competitive side who beats herself if my work isn't perfected. My parents never punished me for coming home with bad grades and didn't expect me to attend a high education. I guess I'm taking their lack of harsh penalty upon myself because writing is the only skill I've always had strong confidence in. Over the past couple of years my writing has grown and been received with good feedback so maybe I could have a possible steady future with it.
I know many of my millennial friends are struggling just as much as I am. We're all in that stage of I don't want to grow up but I know I should start seriously contemplating about my future. It's difficult to not feel the green demon in all of us, especially myself, when there are others who are exceeding their way to their goals. But cliche as it sounds, we'll all get there, someday.
