Do you ever feel like you just can’t win? Like everything in your life is going to shambles. Like you are trying so hard to be successful, but failure seems to be inevitable. Nothing you do is ever good enough. Nothing seems to be working out in your favor. Nothing is making you happy. Nothing is motivating you to keep a positive state of mind.
Everything you’re working extremely hard at seems to keep amounting to nothing.
Do you ever wonder why that is? Why is it that at certain times in your life, it seems like your struggles are suffocating you? Why does everything seem so difficult to cope with that it’s almost like you can’t even breathe? It’s like you need the world to stop for a minute. You need the people around you to catch you because you feel like you’re falling. You need your friends to notice that you haven’t been acting like yourself lately. You need their help now more than ever, but you’re too insecure to let them know that. You’re too vulnerable to open yourself up and “let it all out.” You’re desperately trying to act like it’s OK, but you know that this feeling isn’t healthy. You know that something is wrong.
You feel a wave of stress accompanied by intervals of sadness. You feel like you’re so alone. The only way you can get through it is if you help yourself, which seems like an impossible task.
So you stay up at night staring at the ceiling, letting your negative thoughts corrupt your state of mind even though you have to wake up early for a 7am workout the next day. You feel trapped in your world. You want to escape, but you don’t know how.
So you watch an episode of The Office in hopes that Michael Scott’s ignorant jokes will get you through it. But, not even The Office can help you. Why? Because suddenly something else goes wrong and you’re back to square one. You try to talk to a friend about your issues, but you don’t want to be the girl that’s always whining about how “terrible” her life is when everyone else has their own issues. So you hide your true feelings and tell her “you’ll talk to her later” before that tear streams down your face. You sit in stillness in that desk chair in your dorm and you cry for about 30 seconds until you give yourself a mental slap in the face indicating that you need to “get it together.”
But the question is, how? How do you help yourself when you’re mentally breaking down? How do you find the strength in you to be happy when you feel like your world is falling apart?
Then you ask yourself, “Where are my friends?” “Where is my family?” “Where are the people in my life that I need to find solace in?” “Why am I so scared to let them know what’s going on?” “Why do I feel like my struggles are a burden to them?” “Why do I feel like they don’t even care?”
If you’re like me right now who is currently listening to the saddest songs on her Spotify playlist, then keep reading. You’re not alone. Life is hard, especially when you don’t know who to go to for help.
I guess these feelings can either eat you alive or make you stronger. I’m still figuring out how to find happiness even in the most unfortunate situations. I’m still figuring out how to “love myself” despite feeling like I’m never good enough. So even though it seems like “I can never win,” I know I can’t stop trying. Despite my distressing losing streak, I can’t stop trying.
Right?
