I never wanted to believe my last day playing soccer would come so quickly, but alas, the last few grains of sand in the hourglass timer are ready to fall. Sixteen years of playing the same game, and yet I've never grown sick of it. I've watched myself evolve as a player, person, and leader because of this sport, and very soon, stepping into a world that lacks this immediate outlet is slightly intimidating. But if anything can reassure me when I hang up my cleats, it's that I am who I am because of it.
I look back on the little girl who was swimming in her soccer shorts and jersey, who owned eight pairs of Sweetspots and the velcro contraptions that transformed your long t-shirt sleeves into tank-top width on those hot game days. I see the little girl who rocked the game of 'bee-hive soccer,' flocking with the rest of her teammates to wherever the ball was. There was something beautiful and magical about my tiny human, soccer playing self. There was pure elation and excitement to take the field. There was so much potential to grow and capitalize on my strengths. There was so much joy in half-time oranges and the snack schedule. It was the little things that helped me fall in love with the game.
I thank that innocent, first-grader because she evolved into the player who was on one too many soccer teams, who poured her heart and soul into practices, soccer camps, and training sessions to become a better player. She was the girl who took her coach's words of encouragement and constructive criticism to heart to better herself and her team. It was in these moments that I saw myself grow, my confidence boom, and my ability to lead prominent. I witnessed my big heart in action, supporting and offering the utmost guidance to my teammates. I began to see the field in a new way, anticipating plays before they happened, splitting the ball between two defenders so my forwards had a clear shot, and switching the fields to avoid chaos and conflict. I developed a sixth sense, and though that is quite washed up now, I cherish that attribute as something that made me, me.
There is no doubt there were struggles. There were days that I crazily contemplated giving up the travel team and possessed the will to play recreationally. There were days that I would take myself out of the game because I was tired and afraid to push myself. There were preseasons where the conditioning and hot turf made me want to keel over. There were days sitting on the bench with every will to go and contribute to the game were difficult to bear. But through time, I persisted at my own pace, at my own speed. That is something I thank myself for day in and day out, that I always knew what I wanted to gain from playing soccer, yet the game itself surprised me with more opportunities and more growth than I could have ever imagined.
After this weekend, I will hang up my cleats for good. I will drive to the field blasting the pump-up song that has gotten me game ready since the eighth grade. I will wear my smelly shinguards and broken in cleats on our grass home for one last time. I will tape up my socks and engage in my pregame ritual. I will put on my #12 jersey and watch goosebumps overtake my arms knowing that this is it. When that whistle sounds at kickoff, I will be in my zone, playing my game, the game that has filled my heart with so much joy. I will be surrounded by my best friends.
When that final whistle blows, regardless of the score, I will probably shed a tear. I will find that all of my hard work has culminated into that final 90 minutes, and that the game that has served as my outlet to stress, my way to pass time and have fun with friends, and opportunity to become a leader will be removed from my life at a competitive level. The only thing I can possibly do is leave it all on the field. So thank you soccer, for everything: the game wins and championship trophies, the difficult moments fighting against teams who challenge you more than anticipated, the bruises, the ball marks, the laughs, the opportunity to wear a captain's band, the injuries that strengthened me mentally, and the moments in time that will forever shape my character. You have simply been one of the most wonderful aspects of my identity, and I will miss you so.
