“Crying at night because it's late, and I’m drunk, and it’s lonely, and it’s all fucked up. Realistically, everything is fucked, and I’m fucked. What is hope? Hope is crazy. I’m so crazy. When did I become who I am? What am I? What’s real? I don’t know what’s real. Am I fat? Am I too skinny? What’s happening with me? Where am I going? Am I ever going to fall in love? Is love real?” – I wrote this at about 6 am on Tuesday night, I think. It had been “one of those days," and I had been sinking in to the blues.

So this week I was going to write a little bit about my experiences with depression (and I probably still will eventually), but some other stuff happened and I’ve decided to write about that (see: title/sub-headline) instead.

My last bit of writing (the link to which can be found within the pinned tweet on my twitter account) didn’t get published because it was regarded as an exceptionally* (the most*) explicit article to have been submitted. Although, I consider it fairly mild (granted, I know what the first draft looks like). Anyway, I was pretty bummed. I’d written it with the intention of potentially sparking a more widespread discourse about period sex as a kink, as well as kinks in general – because it’s all still pretty taboo, believe it or not.

I think the issue was the language that I’d chosen to use. It was raw. But that’s how people talk about sex in the real world.

In real life, from what I can tell, people don’t use a bunch of sugar-coated, figurative speech to discuss their sex lives– these people use the words cum, fuck, dick/cock, pussy, clit etc. Plus, we’re watching increasingly graphic sex scenes in movies and on television. How about magazine ads, and photoshoots? If you’re on Tumblr, you get what I’m saying here. If you’re on Twitter you know exactly what the heck I mean when I say, *PEOPLE TALK RAW*.

So, why is it so unsettling for some people to see the words written out? I don’t think that I can speak to this, and provide a solid, openly applicable answer. I can only tell you guys what I think from my own point-of-view.

Although I’m non-binary, my physicality is that of a black woman. Therefore, my experiences are those of a black woman.

And I’ve found that a lot of other people, even other women, are uncomfortable with us expressing our sexuality openly. Especially when the words are coming from a woman of color. Extra especially if that woman is black. Again, I can’t determine what it is about sexual liberation that makes these guys so uncomfortable, with any absolution. But I think that a long standing global history of patriarchy and racism have a great deal (like a fucking *FUCK TON*) to do with it.

So here’s how I feel about sexual expression, specifically in regards to women: Speak freely. Be explicit. Get comfortable with talking about sex, and your body because it might help you become a bit more secure with communicating your likes/dislikes with your sexual partner(s) – if you are, you know, fucking. And even if you aren’t, you should still be able to discuss sex without blushing over every other word.

It’s just fucking important, in my opinion – and, I think that by demonstrating the kind of freedom of expression that I’m talking about through my own writing, it could be encouraging, maybe.

Well that’s all I have to say about that for now.

B-back next week with more words and stuff.

Thanks for reading! *You’re so cool* :) <3

Ttyl8r – K.V Soup