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Thanksgiving

7 Tips For Surviving Thanksgiving With Your Racist, Homophobic Relatives

We all have that one super conservative relative showing up to the dinner table, but the truth is we don't have to allow them to speak their minds.

Alyssa Cline

Nov 21, 2018

National Writers Society

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7 Tips For Surviving Thanksgiving With Your Racist, Homophobic Relatives

NBC Universal

The holiday season is upon us! Christmas décor is going up, pies are in the oven, and we're all getting ready to sit down with our families for the much-awaited feast. But with all the family gatherings, come the heavy conversations. One minute you're talking about your mom's stuffing and the next thing you know uncle Bill is making a racist comment and aunt Susan is ranting on about "the gays."

It is a pattern you are WELL used too, but what have you really been doing about it?

This is the year we step up and learn to be a true ally for our LGBTQIA+ friends and friends of color. It's no longer OK to sit back and allow the conversation to happen.

People don't change without conflict. Sure, maybe grandma will get upset, but you know what's worse than upsetting grandma? OPPRESSION!

So here are some thoughts to get you through this Thanksgiving. And also how to make your beliefs known.

1. Wear a bold T-shirt

I'm all for showing up in a "Black Lives Matter" T-shirt or wearing a rainbow LGBT banner across my body. A clear statement piece to let your family know, you will not tolerate bigotry or ugly comments this year.

2. Form alliances early

Inevitably there's going to be some conversations that are uncomfortable and it's going to be impossible to hide your opinions. Know who is going to be on your side and can support what you say.

Maybe it's a quiet relative who likes to stay out of the drama, but it's OK to call them out and ask their opinion knowing they will agree with you. Sometimes people need to see you're not wrong.

3. Bring some statistics

Arm yourself with statistics on the number of unarmed black men/women shot by the police, the number of hate crimes against the LGBTQIA community or the number of murders done by white men in the United States instead of Mexican immigrants.

Prepare yourself with facts that can't be disputed. People cannot argue with numbers.

4. Don't get angry

The more heated you get, the less people will listen to you. Try to remain calm. Some people are going to keep their opinions no matter what.

5. Remember that just because you love someone, that doesn't mean you can't disagree with them.

Sometimes generation gaps matter. You might not be able to change your grandma's mind about things, and it might take some time before your Aunt Judy really hears you. Try to keep calm with them and explain yourself clearly.

6. And if you blow up, do so responsibly

You need to stick by your principles. Hate has no home here. Make it known that people deserve better and that you care about that fact. Make it clear that what is being said is absolutely NOT OK.

And if you need to leave. Do it.

Staying quiet does not protect anyone.

7. When all else fails, have a drink

Let's face it, whether you win or lose, you're GOING to need a drink. Maybe you should have that drink BEFORE dinner to mellow you out. Or to give you some liquid courage to tell your cousin Debbie to shut her trap. Either way, happy drinking!

And, more importantly, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

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7 Tips For Surviving Thanksgiving With Your Racist, Homophobic Relatives

We all have that one super conservative relative showing up to the dinner table, but the truth is we don't have to allow them to speak their minds.

1. Wear a bold T-shirt

2. Form alliances early

3. Bring some statistics

4. Don't get angry

5. Remember that just because you love someone, that doesn't mean you can't disagree with them.

6. And if you blow up, do so responsibly

7. When all else fails, have a drink

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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