It can be very painful when friends, family, or the people we love are facing depression and all the suffering that comes along with it. It is important to understand that we are not ourselves when we are depressed. Depression affects every single part of our life, personality, physical and mental function. It consumes us and everything we are.
Please be patient with us. If we’re acting differently, it’s the depression’s fault, not ours, so please don’t be quick to judge or get upset with us for acting differently. Often times, conflict can easily arise in our interpersonal relationships due to misunderstandings or frustrations for us not being ourselves or acting how we should. When this happens, all we really want is your support -- and by support, I mean that we just want you to listen and keep us company. This makes it just a tiny bit easier for us to get through it and helps ease the pain knowing that we aren’t completely alone.
We don’t expect you to fix us, cure the depression, solve the problem, tell us what to do or tell us how to get better -- I can go on and on. In fact, we don’t want you to do any of that. We are the only ones that can fight off this demon of ours and no matter how much you do to try to get rid of it for us, it won’t work. We don’t turn to you for the purpose of you trying to solve our problem. We simply just need your friendship and comfort during this time to try to stay alive through this battle. We already think we are a waste of oxygen and a burden to you and everyone around us, so just having some comfort gives us a little bit of hope when sometimes we just don’t want to keep living. Please don’t tell us we’re not trying, or not trying enough. We are trying so, so desperately even though it’s not always visible. Our body and mind are so consumed by these suicidal ideations, voices, stigma, and ruminating thoughts that every day is a battle and it seems like we simply can’t win. We would never wish this upon anyone, so if we could get rid of it, we would. The last thing we want to hear is that we’re not trying, or not trying enough. It just reinforces our distorted, negative thoughts about ourselves and we keep spiraling down further and further. We try, we really do -- recovery is possible, but it takes time. It requires a lot of patience.
Recovery is also different for every single person. If you are trying to help someone you love who is struggling with depression, you can guide them and stand alongside them for comfort and support while they take steps to recovery, but don’t tell them what they should do and don’t be forceful about it. However, you can kindly offer us ideas or suggestions. What works for some people won’t work for others. Everyone has different ways of coping and healing. You could be doing more damage than healing by forcing a mechanism that has worked for you or others upon us. Please don’t get upset with us if we try and it doesn’t help or work. The most important thing to understand in this situation is that it is not about you. It makes our feelings seem invalid or unimportant when you make it about yourself.
When dealing with depression and other mental illnesses such as anxiety, tough love will not work. We need LOVE! You won’t be coddling us, babying us, or spoiling us. We just need to believe we will get better, and WILL get better with your support and love.....This is the time we need you the most -- Don't give up on us!
If you or someone you know needs help, see these suicide prevention resources.
If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
