When you are first diagnosed with having a mood disorder it can hit you with so many feelings. You may be relieved, overwhelmed, anxious, and confused. For me, I felt all of these things. I was so happy to know that it was a psychological condition that could be controlled medically. I learned that I wasn't alone and so many others have been diagnosed and are on medication. You can be unsure of where the future will take you, and even be confused as to what kind of help you need. From a personal experience this can just add to the stress of the diagnosis, and leave you feeling like you can't handle the situation.These are the things they don't tell you, the things that you will face, struggle with, and conquer.
There are times where you will feel like you can't handle it.
Dealing with usual everyday stress can be very draining, especially when dealing with anxiety as well. At times, depression can make you feel like you aren't worth anything, and it can be extremely difficult to be productive. Life sometimes has a way of hitting you all at once. When it rains, it pours. I can't count how many times I have felt overwhelmed, or like I couldn't handle anything life would throw at me.
There are times where you feel like there is no hope.
I thought the medication would be an instant cure that would get rid of any harmful thoughts. I never realized that a year later I would still be struggling with thoughts of wanting to disappear, and the belief that the mental illness would overcome me. At times, the dark cloud above my head becomes so present that it blocks out every bit of light and hope. You may feel like it's the end of the world and that no one will be able to save you from your self-inflicted misery.
There are times where you feel so incredibly tired and not yourself.
Dealing with a mental illness can be incredibly taxing. It takes all of your physical, mental, and emotional energy. There are days that I wish I was able to just lay in bed all day and not face the world. Many days I find myself so tired that even coffee doesn't give me a quick fix. When first starting my medication, I felt really out of it. I found myself spacing out a lot and losing track of time. When people asked me if I'm feeling alright, I wished I could tell them everything. Instead, I just said that I didn't sleep well (which was usually the case anyway).
There are nights where you'll cry and not be able to explain why.
Many times I have found myself an emotional wreck without being able to explain what exactly triggered those feelings. The worst kind of sadness is the kind you can't explain. I have felt selfish and ridiculous for crying for no reason, and often got frustrated with myself. I wish I could just cheer up like people told me to. It's hard to find comfort when you don't know what's wrong.
There are times where it can be scary.
Anxiety can be really hard to deal with as it sometimes comes on as a giant panic. It's so hard to deal with your heart racing, sweating, shaking, hyperventilation and pure fear.I have been in the hospital two times for a panic attack, and they were probably two of the scariest nights of my life. The world stops around you and you feel like your body is beyond control. Reality seems to slip away.
Finally, there comes a time where you realize that you are a fighter, strong enough, and good enough.
The most important thing in dealing with a mental illness is to keep fighting.You need to develop an attitude that you are worth experiencing a happy life. You need to understand that you are loved and important to other people. Sometimes it is hard to push away that dark cloud covering all of your thoughts; but it is so important to reach out to others for help and not be afraid to share your story. Break down your walls and let others in. It's okay to be vulnerable. At times you may feel like the most worthless human being on the planet, but there will come a time where you will be able to experience all of the good in the world: hope, love, laughter, and value. I know it seems like the world is ending and there's no way out of your mess but trust me, there will come a day where you realize how far you've come. You are a fighter. You are strong. You are good enough.
