Having anxiety sucks. Having to rely on medication every day just to feel somewhat "normal" sucks.
I always have a million thoughts running through my mind and about a million different fears that go with those thoughts. And sometimes when it gets to be too much and I feel like I literally cannot take it anymore, I just breakdown and cry. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm crying, I just know that I can't stop. I never know when these breakdowns are going to happen. I could be having a perfectly normal day and then something could happen that causes me to breakdown. It doesn't even always have to be something happening to me, sometimes it's just my mind playing tricks on me. Or sometimes I'll wake up in the morning and not be able to get out of bed because everything has just became too much and my anxiety has gotten the best of me. I never know how my day is going to go when I wake up in the morning, I never know if I'm gonna be able to make it through the day without breaking down or if I'm going to have to leave school early because everything has just became too much for me to handle.
My anxiety controls almost every aspect of my life.
It determines whether or not I will make it to class, whether or not I will keep the plans that I make with my friends and whether or not I'll even make it out of bed. I wish that wasn't the case but it is. I wish I could make it through one day where my anxiety wasn't in control but I don't know if that will ever happen. I will always have anxiety and it will always be something that I have to deal with every single day because whether I like it or not, my anxiety is a part of who I am.
