My sophomore year of college came about. I was put on an anti-depressant and anti-psychotic medication. Things were great. I was content with my life. I was making progress. I was learning to love life.
But one day in October I woke up sad for no apparent reason. And just like that all my progress was swept out from under me. I wasn’t depressed but that didn’t matter. Sad was sad enough.
However, two experiences soon after that day would evoke a serious change in me.
The first experience was LTC: Leadership Training Conference. I learned SO much at this incredible experience. It brought me self-awareness and immense growth. LTC made me realize for the first time in my life that I matter. It made me realize that living is what I want to do. I met absolutely incredible humans because of it and created relationships that I will cherish forever. I discovered beauty within others, my life, and myself. This conference made me feel at home: “Home is just two arms wrapped around you when you are at your worst”. Shout out to the LaCroix family for being some of the most supportive people I know. You guys are great.
I can’t tell you all of what happened at LTC, as it would take away from the magic that still continues today. I’ll simply tell you what I learned.
1. Love Yourself
Every time you don’t eat you abandon yourself.
Every time you drown your sorrows in alcohol and drugs you abandon yourself.
Every time you say “I’m fine” with a lump in your throat you abandon yourself.
Every time you don’t ask for help when you need it you abandon yourself.
Every time you damage your body you abandon yourself.
You suffer from a lack of self-love. Self-love is so important. Who is going to be there for you when you are at your worst crying on the bathroom floor at three am? You. In those moments you need to love yourself. In every moment you need to love yourself. Be kind to yourself. No, it isn’t easy. But it is possible. You have flaws. It’s okay. We all do. We have all done things and said things that we are not proud of. We all have good days and bad days. We all have things we would like to change. We are all beautifully imperfect.
The hardest thing in the world to do is to love yourself. Sometimes we give others so much love that we have none to keep for ourselves. It is hard to be happy when you are so mean to yourself all the time. You need to take responsibility for how you treat yourself. You need to come first. Love yourself before you love others. Take care of yourself. How do you do this?
2. Make your health your #1 priority (mental, emotional, and physical)
Our health is the most important thing about us. It should come first. What do you have without good health? Nothing. Without good physical health you have poor mental and emotional health. With poor mental and emotional health you have poor physical health. It is important to keep these all balanced. How do you have balanced health? Start with eating right. Set a goal. Maybe your goal is just to eat three meals a day. That was my goal for years. Pick a goal that is small, achievable, measurable, and specific. For example: my goal is to eat three meals a day everyday for the next 3 weeks.
In order to function properly we need adequate sleep. When you need to rest and can do so take a nap. Listen to your body. When it is hungry, we feed it. When it is tired, we let is rest.
Going to bad sad or angry sets our morning up for disaster. Our bad night bleeds into the next day. Don’t let that happen. It isn’t necessary. Take a walk, meditate, or listen to music. Do whatever you have to do to let your bad day be just that one-day, not the next too.
Keeping our emotions bottled up leads to an explosion. Explosions of emotion are no good for anyone involved. Express them however you please (safely). Talk to a friend or a family member. Write it all down. Sing your heart out. Whatever you do, do not keep your emotions inside. They will only build up stronger and stronger and lead to a series of unfortunate events.
3. Lose expectations
- When you stop waiting for self-love to come, it will come
- Accept yourself
Stop waiting for you to love yourself. Stoptrying so hard to make it happen. Just be. Be yourself. Accept yourself for who you are, not for who you want to be. You are you. You are great just the way you are. Accept the true you. Appreciate that you. This means lose expectations of who you “should” be. I.E. “I should be skinnier, I or I should be kinder”. If you feel as though you need change, change ‘I should’ to ‘I can’. “I can be skinnier or I can be kinder”. You should not be anybody but yourself, nor should you try to be anyone but yourself. Instead of aiming to be a different person, aim to be the best you.
Ask yourself everyday if today you were being the best version of you. If you aren’t, make small changes daily that can help you become the best version of yourself. Maybe you go to the gym everyday or you compliment three people a day. If you truly change anything, though, change your thought process. Instead of saying “I am going to the gym to lose weight because I am fat” say something kinder like “I am going to the gym to become the best version of myself”. But remember, sometimes when we want change (like to be skinnier) all we have to do is accept what is (our weight) as it is and change will come automatically; we wont even have to lift a finger!
4. Say, “I love you”
- Tell yourself “I love you.” Say it everyday.
- Write down every good thing about yourself. Read it everyday
- Choose kind words. Replace every negative with two positives.
- You are enough
Don’t you just love being loved? We all do. The words ”I love you” fills our heart up with warmth. Loving yourself is a whole lot simpler than we make it out to be. Pretend to be someone else for a little while. Pretend that you are your mom or your best friend. Tell yourself all the positive things that they have told or do tell you. Do that everyday. Watch what happens.
You are more than enough. You are worth it. You make a difference. Don’t ever forget that.
5. Be your best cheerleader
- Support yourself
I have support from many friends and family. They are there for me always; even if they can’t necessarily help me. The only person I don’t receive support from is myself. We are so busy supporting everyone else that we forget to comfort ourselves in our own recovery. When we feel like we lack support on this journey most often it is from ourselves. Remember, you come first. Be there for yourself first. Be your best cheerleader. Cheer yourself along the process and magically you will seem to realize that the journey is that much easier. You are your biggest supporter. If you do not support yourself, how can you expect others to support you? Be kind to yourself. Celebrate the small victories. Tell yourself positive things like “good job” or “I’m proud of you”. Take yourself on dates and treat yourself to something nice.
6. Accept vulnerability
Depression makes us vulnerable. Vulnerability forces us to leave our comfort zone. Vulnerability can be good for us, believe it or not. More often than not depression is our comfort zone. We are comfortable with depression. We are used to it. For some of us it is all we have ever known. We need to change that. When depression leaves us vulnerable it means that we are more susceptible to being hurt. We know that this is a fact. We know that depression puts us in this position. In this position we are more aware of our surroundings. We are more aware of what is going on. So why not change the outcome? Take pain and turn it into positivity. There are so many more opportunities to grow when you allow yourself to be vulnerable. For example talking about my feelings makes me vulnerable. But you know what happens when I do it? I feel better. I get better all because I chose to be vulnerable. Without accepting vulnerability you cannot appropriately recover.
Put a new perspective on. When you are exhausted due to depression think of it as working hard on getting better. When you feel helpless ask yourself what you can do to help yourself. If there is a will there is a way. When you feel hopeless ask yourself if your heart is still beating. If your heart is still beating then there is still hope. You can find it somewhere, someplace, or in someone. It’s there. Always.
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