What Keeps Us

What Keeps Us

How to stop holding onto what only holds us back.
6
views

Ever said to yourself, “I wish I could do that, but…” or “I want to, but…”

What were the words that spilled out next? If I had to guess, the answer would look something like this:

“…I just don’t have the time.”

“…I don’t have the money.”

“…I can’t because (x,y,z).”

Believe me, I have been there. Haven’t we all? I listed all the reasons, made all of the excuses, until I realized that I was the one standing in my own way. When it all boils down, there are three main things that hold us back from accomplishing what we want: time, money, and fear.

Time

Time is perhaps the grandest luxury we have. You can spend it, but you can never purchase more. Therefore, what we do with the time we are given makes all the difference. It can be our greatest resource, or it can fill us to the brim with regret. In a society so crazed with busy lifestyles, how do any of us have time for anything? If you’re a college student, you are all too familiar with juggling classes, homework, projects, and any remnants of a social life. It’s overwhelming enough alone without even adding in relationships, sports, hobbies, part-time jobs or internships. The same applies to those of us who are working full time jobs or are parents. So what gives?

  • Realize that the time is going to pass anyway. The hard truth is that you can continue to sit there pining after this dream, or understand that if you started today, you’re that much closer to making it come true. Doesn’t matter how small the step is, as long as it is in the right direction. Where do you want to be in a year?
  • Make the time. You have the same hours in a day as Beyoncé. While this is true, she also has a whole team of professionals working for her. If you’re like me and don’t have those amenities, then you need to make the time. We hear this statement constantly, but it is much easier to speak those words then to live them. Understand that time is an investment. Don’t waste it. Want to make fitness a part of your lifestyle, but are too exhausted when the day is done? Discover where your hours are going. First, schedule out your day so you see exactly where your time and presence is required: i.e. school, work, etc. You’ll see that you aren’t there for a full 24 hours. Before, after, or in between, you can find the time. Maybe that means sacrificing an hour of television. If your ultimate goal is not as important to you as "The Bachelorette," you will only continue to make excuses and fall behind. Suck it up and set your alarm for 5:00 a.m. or quit wasting time on Facebook. Nobody said this was gonna be easy. Tell those distractions where to go.
  • Stop waiting for the right moment. Rid yourself of this toxic habit. “It will be better next week/in the summer /when I have...” Hate to break it to you, but you are lying to yourself. A week or six months will go by and you will find that nothing has changed. Did you save up all the money you planned to? Probably not. The cycle will continue. You may never be truly ready. So okay, maybe you don’t have as much in your bank account as you’d like right now, but you also have more than what you would if you lost your job. Put these examples into perspective. You have your health now, but will you always? Are you in a position where you don’t have major responsibilities: a serious career, spouse, children, etc.? Consider the fact that once you have these albeit wonderful things, you may not have the same exact amount of freedom or opportunity as you do in this present moment. Can you still make it work? Of course. There are always exceptions to the rule. I am not suggesting you book a flight to Australia when you’re in debt or leave your kids, or shirk all responsibilities. What I’m saying is, while this may not feel like the best time, you risk throwing the opportunity away for one that may not come later down the road. Stop putting off what you’ll regret not starting today. A year from now, how do you want to look back on your life?

Money

Ah, the dreaded topic, the root of all evil, the stress-inducing and fun-sucking issue of money, or lack thereof. It runs us. And as much as we don’t want to believe it, we need it. Do we need private yachts or a mansion for our home? Of course not. But, we do need money for hospital bills and the medications we need to stay healthy. We need money to pay the rent, so we can have a roof over our heads. We need money for food, so that we can eat and nourish our bodies. Sure, it isn’t everything. But the unfortunate truth is that even a small amount of money can be a necessity to live, at least to live comfortably. I can’t tell you how to get rich, but I can give you suggestions on how to stop draining your account.

  • Stop buying stupid stuff. Seriously. All those trips to Starbucks? Hitting the sale rack at your favorite store? You don’t need these things. These material items will bring you temporary pleasure, but they are not aiding you in your goal. In fact, they are keeping you from reaching it. That $20 dress you bought might have seemed like a steal, but it could have been a taxi in Paris or toward a textbook you need for class. Say no to the mocha frappucinos, your wallet (and your body) will thank you later.

  • Downsize your belongings. Clothes you haven’t worn in a while? A snowboard you don’t use? Jewelry that has been collecting dust? Get rid of them. Hold a garage sale or sell your clothes to a store that buys gently used apparel, and list the snowboard and jewelry on eBay or Craigslist. I’m the not-so-proud owner of a closet full of things I never wear, yet still keep because “you never know.” Enough with that! Ask a friend to help you, or watch a couple episodes of “Hoarders” like my boyfriend made me do first. If you aren’t using it and haven’t in a year, you probably won’t be using it next year. Think of it this way- the money you get from selling these items could be the security deposit on your first apartment!
  • Prioritize not only your spending, but also your savings. Grab a sheet of paper and a calculator. Got it? Good. At the top, write your monthly income. Below, list all of your monthly expenses, such as rent, utilities, cell phone bill, etc. with the cost of each item. Now add them together, and subtract from your monthly income. Hopefully, you will have some money left over. Do we see that money, though, or even think about it? Often it feels as if we get a paycheck only to see it go straight to paying off bills. This might be avoided if you monitor your spending habits. A friend of mine participates in “No Spend November” where she allots money for all bills, but attempts to go the month without buying extras. I use an app called Digit, which monitors my spending and my income and then pulls a small amount of money from my bank account every couple days automatically and puts it toward a savings fund. There are several different apps or methods you can use to save- it just takes some researching. Since I am passionate about travel, I use a credit card that gives me airline points, which is incredibly beneficial to me since I use them often. In a way, this is saving too! If you are in an extremely rough place financially, bite the bullet and pick up another job. Yes, we know the service industry is not always glamorous work, but it is every bit worth the effort when you get that extra cash deposited. Sacrifice is the way to success. How bad do you really want it?

Fear

Surprisingly, this can easily overpower both of the aforementioned items. Fear is often the original underlying reason behind any justification we try and give ourselves (or others) for why we cannot do something. When it comes down to it, you may actually have the money in your account, but you don’t want to make the investment because of the “what if”. I have a friend who wants very badly to finish his degree, but he is nervous to go back to school. What if he fails again? Since it’s been a couple years since he was in school last, what if he struggles with being a student again? Committing to a degree takes commitment that goes beyond time and money.

Your desire to achieve your dream must be greater than the excuses you give from voice in your head that tells you “no.” Whatever the dream, success is very much a mental game. So how do we tackle our own minds?

  • Take the first small step. When I got the idea in my head that I wanted to run a half marathon, I had never run further than one or two miles. I didn’t know where to begin, but I (quite literally) started with a single step. After a couple weeks, I went from walking to running, and after several months had passed, I had built up my endurance and speed to the point where I was medaling in 5k races. I went on to finish not only one, but three half marathons that year. Often, we see our dreams as unattainable because the distance between reaching them and where we currently stand seem too overwhelming to conquer. Instead of 13.1, I focused on running three miles, then four, and increasing by one mile at a time. If what you want takes a lengthy period of time or multiple stages of effort, breaking it down so you take it step by step, or day by day, can do wonders.
  • Get a support group. It is far easier to give up if you are not surrounded by others who are working toward or supporting you in the same goal. Also, in some cases it helps to make it public. This held me accountable. Everyone knew I had already signed up, so I couldn’t back out now. Instead, I surrounded myself with like-minded people. I was 100% less likely to skip a run if I had made plans with a friend to train. What’s more is that I was able to ask questions and receive support from that individual. I got advice about what shoes I should be wearing and which gels tasted better, but more importantly, I got nothing but encouragement and positivity, which increased my confidence and helped fuel my determination. Make sure your family and friends know about your goal. Even if they don’t have experience with the subject, they can be your main source of strength. From runners to non-runners, like my parents, these people kept me going. Those who believe in you will always help keep you focused and sustained.
  • Plan it out. First, I threw caution to the wind and signed up for the race. I knew that whether or not I was ready, it was going to happen regardless. Now that I had a goal with an end date, it was easy to map out. You may not be training for a race or writing down your mileage on a calendar, but with any goal you need a solid plan. The saying, “Fail to plan, plan to fail” has never been a truer statement. Recently, I sat down with my friend who wants to finish his degree and made a chart. Simple as it may seem, write your goal down. From there, think about why you want to accomplish it (any reasons whatsoever) and jot that down. Keep this; ingrain it into your memory and keep it on post-it notes on your bathroom mirror or wherever you can see it regularly as a reminder. Next, write what you are afraid of. Is it fear of failure? Fear of commitment? Fear of the unknown? Whatever setback you think you may encounter on this journey, write it down but move on. Next, brainstorm all of the possible ways you can overcome said obstacle. Let’s say you are afraid of failing out of college. What can you do to be sure you don’t? For instance, going to class and doing your homework are obvious answers. But delve deeper- what can you do to make sure you go to every class? How are you going to ensure that you finish every assignment? List whatever you feel you need to do in order to stay on the right track. Now, remember #2, getting a support group? Tell others in your support group. Maybe you are afraid of failing out because you don’t understand math, but perhaps your cousin is a math teacher, or your friend can recommend a tutor. If you communicate your needs with your support group, together you become unstoppable.
  • Envision the final outcome. Imagine walking across that stage and being handed your degree, or finally listing it on your résumé. Ever have someone tell you that you couldn’t do something, or not have faith enough in yourself? But then you crushed it, and proved everyone wrong?! A sense of pride should well up inside you at just the thought. You can finally say, “I did it!” You are capable of such remarkable and infinite things. Doesn’t matter how many others believe that, just as long as you do.

Cover Image Credit: Kara Knickerbocker

Popular Right Now

One Year Ago Today

A reflection of my last 12 months; dedicated to those who fear change.
23
views

I’ve never been one for goodbyes or any type of major change for the matter. I would have gone to any lengths to avoid it at all costs in order to prevent a sense of loss or discomfort, but you simply cannot go through life fearing something that is eventually imminent. It is for this reason that I’d like to share some learning experiences and significant turning points in my life that have changed me for the best in the last year.

For me, the last couple of months of high school felt like a never-ending cycle of dread and despair. The thought of going away to college was an exciting one. In fact, it was everything I had been dreaming of my whole life. I’d watched movies, read books, and created this idea that living on my own was the peak of youthful exuberance. It turns out I wasn’t completely wrong, but at that time I was not prepared for was the unexpected sadness that came from the notion of leaving those who I cared so deeply for. I am naturally a very emotional person, although this usually comes as a surprise to many, so continuously having to think about departure did not make for the greatest summer. I dwelled on the loss I would feel once I left everyone I knew, and feared that maybe I wouldn’t make it on my own. However, I decided that I would channel this fear and self-doubt into something productive and use it to my advantage.

I was lucky enough to arrive at college having close friends from my high school, but what I realized early on once my fear dissipated was that it was going to be OK. There were so many new people I was yet to meet, and still have yet to meet, but this idea in itself is what makes the future so exciting!

My first two semesters of college have been a time a growth, self-discovery, and self-love. Spending time living on my own has given me time to reflect on the things that I’m passionate about, as well as things that specifically displease me. On the other hand, it's allowed me outgrow many insecurities and let go of self-destructive tendencies that I no longer have a use for. The classes I’ve taken have been a great learning experience for me because I specifically chose subjects that have always interested me and want to further understand. Except for maybe chemistry. Nevertheless, the point is that it feels great to be able to choose myself and for myself, and have confidence that growth can only positively benefit me. College life and living life on your own in general is only what you make of it. I have realized that for the most part, we spend a large portion of our lives focusing on anything but ourselves, and instead seek things that only bring us short-term satisfaction. However, change can be an opportunity to turn things around and do something great.

So looking back at my life, exactly one year ago from today, I can only conclude that change is not to be feared. It’s an unknown entity that perhaps we ought to embrace more, in order to let it shape us into the most authentic version of ourselves. I think that's what being an adult is all about. It's learning new things about yourself that perhaps you didn't already know, and being able to not only accept these things but embrace them as well. Despite the opinions of others. That's not to say that one necessarily has to go away to college to do these things, but at least for me, it's been a new and unique experience.

Cover Image Credit: Averie Woodard on Unsplash

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

A Reflection On Valentine's Day

A day to celebrate love? Or singles-awareness day?
502
views

It’s that time of year again, the day everyone dreads the most. No, not tax day, and not finals. Something even worse than a pop-quiz on a reading you haven’t done.

I’m talking about Valentine’s Day.

Here’s the thing: I’m not bitter. Really, I’m not. Just because I’ve never had a reason to celebrate Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean I should despise the day with every fiber of my being. I don’t. I don’t walk around wanting to pop the balloons and spoil the chocolate that’s emphasized by the rose tinted filter that comes with February 14th. I want to celebrate, but I recognize the complexity of my situation as I am, indeed, single.

But Valentine’s Day is about love. It doesn’t, however, specify what kind.

The first theory, the obvious one, is that it’s a celebration of romantic love between two people. It’s the most common interpretation, but the most obvious answer is not always the best answer. Of course, “best” is subjective, but for suspension of belief, let us examine all types of love as equal. If they’re all equally important, then the simultaneous celebration of them on a day of “love” makes sense. See? I do have a point.

The woes of celebrating something you don’t have can be tiring. It’s not the same as going to a wedding when you’re single. A wedding isn’t an empty day just made for greeting cards… well… (that’s a discussion for another time).

Valentine’s Day should have a reimagination so that people can celebrate with their friends! A Pal-entine’s Day! Gather your closest friends and go out for a nice dinner! Or remind them how much you care about them. There is so much overwhelming emphasis put on significant others by advertising and popular media, that friendship has taken a back seat. Well tell your best friend to get in the front seat and speed off to that fancy restaurant or that new movie you’ve been dying to see!

Old or young, make it another day in which you can celebrate your mom! Familial love! Is there ever a point where you should stop telling your mom how much you love her? No! And while this may be an overgeneralization, moms love to be appreciated. They’re people first and foremost, and it always feels great to be appreciated as a person. However for moms, the admiration can mean just that much more. If you live close, go see her, buy her some flowers and maybe a card (yes, they make Valentine’s Day cards for moms!) If you live far, give her a call! Take a half an hour out of another work day to just remind someone who cares loads about you how much you care about her.

Alright, drumroll, this is the one you didn’t see coming. Are you drumming? Duh duh duhdadadadadadadada da da daaaaaa….

SELF LOVE!

Crazy, right? Honestly though, we keep ourselves so incredibly busy that it’s commonplace to not check in with our bodies and with our minds as often as we should. Use Valentine’s Day as an excuse. Take a step back and just spend some time alone. Light some candles if that’s your move, finish that book that’s been staring at you from your bedside table for the last three months… Take yourself out to dinner and a movie! There’s no shame in spending time and money on yourself. You deserve it! You’re the most special someone you’re ever gonna have in your life, so make sure you’re giving yourself enough attention.

Above all, spread some love this Valentine’s Day. The world needs it.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

Related Content

Facebook Comments