If you asked me a year ago where I would be now, I would say that I would be conditioning for the upcoming college field hockey season. It is absolutely mind-blowing to think about how far that is from the reality of my life now. After spending the last five years of my life eating, sleeping and breathing field hockey, I couldn’t believe that I would be in a position where I wouldn’t be playing.
Being on a varsity high school team seems to be the most important thing in the world. All of the practices, games, pasta parties and long bus rides seemed like something that would never end. It is a lifestyle that became the norm. As an athlete, it is hard to even consider what life will be like after the glory days are over. Hell, it is hard to think past the next game of the season.
Take it from me, a retired field hockey athlete, that life without sports does go on.
I never really understood what it was like to walk past a field hockey game and not be playing. I can personally tell you that it is the strangest feeling in the entire universe. No matter what sport you played, you’ll never be able to watch a game and not think, “I could’ve saved that!”, “I can’t believe they didn’t think to pass to them”, or “Wow, I would give anything to be playing with them right now.” It is a feeling that will always make me uneasy.
Everyone has a different reason for not playing, whether your coach screwed you over, or you just didn’t make the cut, the yearning to play will be just the same. College is a place to start over, but for retired athletes, it is a place to create an entirely new persona. In high school, people knew who you were if you played sports. If your team was a championship elite team, you probably had even more attention on you. Nothing is more of a reality check than walking into a college classroom with your division championship hoodie on and not having one person care a single bit.
Maybe you’ll understand the feeling when you see your college’s sports team walk by you. They’ll probably be laughing and discussing some super interesting play that happened at their practice or their game. You’ll see their cool backpack with their name on it. You won’t be able to help but think about how you should have one of those on your back. They should be your friends, the ones you are hanging out with and making memories with. There is nothing wrong with the friends you have, but you know deep down that that sports team should be your circle.
Missing a sport is more than just missing the physical playing of the game. You’ll miss the long practices that never seemed to end. You’ll miss the feeling you got after winning a game you tried your hardest in. You’ll miss walking through the halls, sporting your fresh uniform. You’ll miss the sound of the whistle over the parents’ cheers. You’ll miss the bonds with your teammates. You’ll miss the long bus rides. You’ll miss scouting the other teams. You’ll miss the smell of the freshly cut grass that you had to fight for to be cut. You’ll miss every single thing that you couldn’t wait to get away from. You probably thought those times would never end, because I did.
My only advice to all of you current athletes is to never take one single game or practice for granted. The four years you have on your team will fly by and be over before you know it. It is only natural to complain and not feel like playing at times, but don’t ever stop. My only regret is letting the cruel words and treatment from my coach get to me. I wish I could go back and just focus on the love for the game, because that is all that matters. Missing a sport and the glory days is a very different kind of heartbreak. Appreciate and love every second you have, because some of us would do anything to do back.
