School was difficult for me at a young age. I remember it took me a while to learn the alphabet and that my teacher wrote on the cards to help me learn. There were a lot of times that I had a hard time understanding what the teachers were saying.
Around 4th grade, I didn't keep up with the assignments. It wasn't because I was lazy or didn't want to do it. It was because I couldn't understand what I was supposed to be learning. I was shy and also very scared to ask for help.
In 3rd grade I was put into Special Education, but I didn't learn that I have a learning disability until 4th grade.
From 3rd until 8th grade, I was pulled out of class to a small room or outside to get help on the assignments or have speech class. Remember the SAT? I didn't take it with my classmates, I was pulled out and put into the younger children classrooms. At that moment I felt very embarrassed and stupid because I was the only one in my classroom to be pulled out and put into the younger children classroom to take the SAT.
I dislike reading out loud in class--I remember the whispering, giggling, and the remarks I get from certain classmates who bullied me. They don't understand why I'm so different from them, like I wasn't normal.
I struggled with accepting the fact that I have a learning disability because at first I didn't understand what it was, and then because of certain people made me feel like I was retarded and useless. Just being in class with people that didn't have a learning disability made me felt like I didn't fit in or didn't belong.
A lot of time I truly felt like I was alone.
When I entered high school, it was better. I didn't feel embarrassed to read out loud because I was put into classes that students who have learning disabilities. I felt like I suddenly fit in and it was the beginning of learning to accept myself.
Some accommodations that I got from elementary and high school: I was allowed to have open book tests, extra time to take the tests, use of calculator, etc. The only thing that was the hardest was passing the CAHSEE test. My classmates were quite stressed about it. If you don't pass, you might be able to walk the stage, but you wouldn't be able to get your diploma. If I remember correctly, you have 10th grade until 12th grade to pass the CAHSEE.
I remember being in my CAHSEE English class and my classmates were talking about not passing. It was heartbreaking to see my classmate being hard on herself. She talked about not passing that class would lead to no future for her and negative thoughts. Walking the stage and getting your diploma was a moment we all wanted.
My last year of high school, I put in a lot effort in my assignments and work my way up to pass the CAHSEE and my classes. I had the moment to walk the stage and receive my diploma because I knew if I try my best and never give up, I can reach my goals.
College was quite hard, honestly I made many mistakes of taking certain classes. I did pass some classes, but to be honest I didn't feel like I fit in to college. I struggle with being in a different kind of special ed. program. Their structure was totally different than elementary and high school. I didn't have much help, I felt like even though they were here to help me but I felt like sometimes i want to try to get help in that program they would give a attitude or look at me in a certain way that was very rude and judgmental.
The feeling of being useless and embarrassed arose again. I hadn't felt that way since 9th grade. I felt that way because it's surprising that people who worked their would have that type of attitude towards people that you knew you would be around students who has a learning disability. It made me refuse to go there to get any help, and that was a mistake I made because I started to fail or drop my classes, because I started to run away because I knew that the class would be very hard.
I know I denied at that moment that i didn't need it but i did need the help. A few years at that college, I decided to go to another college to be close to family. The same experience I had at the second college, I have with the first . I decided to take a break for a few years because I felt like I need find myself, figure out certain things, and because of some other personal issues.
I did return to school last year and I passed my online class with B. I would say it's hard to get classes because they give you a registration date. I'll be back in school with a positive outlook in fall.
No one ask to be born with any things that sounds negative. Before you look down on or make fun of anybody who has any type of special needs or just anybody, just know that words do hurt others and they can forgive you but they I will never forget that moment. You may one day regret what you say to people who don't deserve the words that are coming out of your mouth or that you need a reality check. If someone tells you that they have learning disability, don't say, "You don't look like it." It's quite rude to hear that, how are we supposed to look?
We are as human as everybody in the world. I'm proud to say I have learning disability because I learned who are true friends and that I can accomplish anything because I have hope and I believe that I can achieve anything by staying positive. Last thing I learned is to not let anybody that bullies you or any negative words to get to you because it's not worth the time to cry and to care what they say, it's that life is too precious to care for people who wants to see you at your worst.
I'm so proud of each every person who's a special needs student or anybody who are suffering in education. Don't lose hope. There are many people out there who truly want to shape you and give you their all. I know there are a lot of time where you feel all alone but you not. At the end of the dark tunnel, there is always light. I know you can find it because I found it.
